Need to get this off my chest - longing for Qiyamah sometimes
As-salamu alaykum. I’m a Muslim woman living in an Arab country. Over 12 years ago someone I trusted changed in ways that shocked me - they left our faith path, started working in nightlife, and got involved in many sins. I was part of an art group, and when I told the others that I felt this was wrong, even though many of them were Muslim girls wearing hijab, they turned on me. They called me backward and some even sent death threats. They knew where I lived and I received messages like “we’ll kill you tonight.” I was 16 then and terrified. I went to therapy and was medicated, and I still go back to therapy now because I can’t forget what happened. I’m often gloomy and I struggle to trust anyone. As more people I knew online behaved the same way, it only added to my shock and triggers. I left all those groups some time ago, but when I try to display my art at conventions I keep running into them and it revives the fear. I’m now afraid to attend events even after cutting ties. I’ve become so paranoid that someone with the same name, or just passing by where one of them used to live, can trigger an anxiety attack. Sometimes I find myself wishing for Qiyamah (Judgement Day) to come, because I feel like that would end this constant suffering. I know du’a and patience are what we are taught - I try to make du’a and ask Allah for healing and protection, but I still wanted to share how heavy this is on my heart. If anyone has advice on coping with flashbacks, rebuilding trust gradually, or gentle ways to return to public events without panic, I’d appreciate it. Jazakum Allah khair.