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3 months ago

Need Sisterly Advice, Please

Asalamu alaikum sister, I’m carrying something heavy and would appreciate some Islamic guidance. I’m 29 and my sister is 39 with two kids - one is 18 and the other is 2. She’s never been steady in life, always moving around. When she had her first child she gave her away and that child suffered abuse and a lot of trauma. I was a child then and helpless. Lately my sister’s situation got worse and she was close to being homeless. Alhamdulillah I recently bought a house, and because I didn’t want my nephew to suffer, I invited them to stay. She said it would be for three months and that she’d start a new job within a month. But she stayed home and gave excuse after excuse, didn’t pay bills or buy groceries for two months, and expected me to cook for everyone. She even got upset when I prioritized feeding my nephew. After I pushed she finally took a job but still hasn’t contributed financially. I’m exhausted and I want peace. For background, my sister has always been unstable: jumping jobs, getting evicted, never staying more than a year in one place. She once told me she feels like someone did black magic on her and that she has no willpower. Growing up she also refused to clean; she’d hide dirty dishes instead of washing them. It’s been the same here - she won’t tidy up after herself or her son. My mother and I have to keep reminding her, and once she even insulted my mom when asked to clean. She also smokes weed and the house smells of it. I’m a practicing Muslim and I don’t want that in my home. At first she smoked in the bathroom and lied when I confronted her. Now she goes outside but leaves her little boy alone. He’s wandered off six times and only by Allah’s mercy were strangers able to bring him back. She doesn’t properly wash or feed him even though there is food in the house. I feel so guilty for that child. I’m at the point where I want my sister to leave because I need my space and peace, but I feel deeply guilty about the nephew. I worry how Allah will question me on the Day of Qiyamah if I turn them away. Please advise what I should do in this situation - how can I balance my duty to help with protecting my household and faith?

+251

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Share your perspective with the community.

7comments
3 months ago

You’re not obligated to let someone ruin your home. Offer help finding stable housing and childcare support but make it clear you won’t tolerate neglect or drugs. If the boy’s safety is at risk, contact child protection - it’s painful but sometimes necessary.

+14
3 months ago

I’d be worried too. Try mediation with a trusted female relative present, and get written commitments. Meanwhile document incidents (dates, photos) so if authorities need to step in, you have proof. You’re doing your best, sister, don’t beat yourself up.

+18
3 months ago

This hits hard. Maybe involve a local imam or counselor who can talk to her about responsibility and the child’s safety. Offer help to find rehab or mental health support for her-black magic feelings might hide deeper issues. But yes, keep the house drug-free.

+13
3 months ago

I’m so sorry, that sounds exhausting. Could you insist she signs a temporary agreement and give her a deadline? If she won’t change, help find foster care or a trusted relative for the boy and explain gently why they must leave. You’re not cruel for needing peace.

+6
3 months ago

Sister, protect your imaan and home first. Offer a short written plan: chores, job hunt proof, and money share. If she breaks it, you can’t be responsible for her choices. Make sure the little boy’s welfare is reported to local child services if he’s unsafe.

+15
3 months ago

Wa alaikum salaam, you did a beautiful thing opening your home. It’s okay to set boundaries - put expectations in writing about chores, childcare, and contributions. If she refuses, consider finding her a women’s shelter or social services while you keep your nephew safe. Dua for you, sister.

+9
3 months ago

Honestly, set clear rules now: no drugs, no leaving the child alone, chores schedule, and monthly contribution. If she breaks any, they have to go. You can’t let your nephew stay at risk. Allah knows your intention - protect the child and your faith.

+9
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