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3 months ago

Need advice: Parents refusing my choice of a future revert husband

Assalamu alaykum, I need some urgent advice, opinions, and Islamic guidance please. I’m 20 and born Muslim, he’s 21 and hasn’t converted yet (he’s worried he’ll struggle with praying and fasting, and I’ve told him I’ll support and help him). We’re at the same university - I’d known of him for a year but only started talking in September, and from the start it felt like I’d met my soulmate. He’s kind, respectful, has a good sense of humour, and-importantly-he’s learned a lot about Islam on his own. I did basic Islamic studies for years, and his independent knowledge is what brought us together. Over time we grew close, and I made clear I don’t want a haram relationship. We agreed that if we were ready we’d do the nikah, which we tried to arrange, but my parents became a major obstacle. My parents are typical brown parents-overprotective and wanting to decide my future. When I told them, they reacted very strongly. They’ve said they’ll cut contact, wish our marriage to fail, and that I’ll regret it and lose respect if I don’t end things. I’m an only child and their threats to withdraw contact are terrifying. I’ve tried to explain that his character and faith potential matter more to me than reputation or cultural expectations. I didn’t expect them to react this badly. He’s sincere and doesn’t want to let me go, and I don’t want to hurt him. I honestly feel marrying a revert could help both of us grow in deen. I’m aware Islam honours parents and we’re taught to treat them well, but I’m really torn. I don’t know if waiting will soften them or if this isn’t meant to be. I’d appreciate any practical advice and Islamic perspectives on balancing obedience to parents with my right to marry someone good who’s willing to embrace Islam. Jazakum Allah khair.

+288

Comments

Share your perspective with the community.

8comments
3 months ago

Honestly, involve a local imam or community elder who your parents respect. Parents often fear reputational loss - a respected third party can calm that. And keep supporting his deen: consistency matters more than perfect beginnings. Allah knows your niyyah.

+14
3 months ago

I totally get being scared of losing family as an only child. Maybe propose a trial period where he meets family with a chaperone and shows respect to them. If parents see his manners, it might soften. Keep praying and keep boundaries strong.

+5
3 months ago

Sending dua and hugs. If he's serious about learning and you both will support each other, that's huge. Could you ask parents what specifically worries them and address those points? Sometimes concrete reassurances help more than abstract promises. Don’t rush anything without counsel.

+13
3 months ago

I know the fear - parental cut-off is real. Practical step: ask for mediation from a respected relative who can vouch for him. Also document his learning efforts (classes, halaqas) so your parents see seriousness. May Allah make it easy.

+5
3 months ago

As a sister who married a revert, patience and clear boundaries helped us. Show your parents how stable and respectful he is - actions over words. And please do istikhara together, and keep dua for your parents' hearts to soften. Allah is Most Merciful.

+6
3 months ago

Assalamu alaykum sister, been there with family pressure. Maybe involve a trusted imam or elder who can mediate and reassure your parents about his sincerity. Small steps - introduce them slowly and show his knowledge and character. Pray istikhara together and be patient, but also protect your heart. You deserve happiness.

+7
3 months ago

My heart goes out to you. I’d suggest slow exposure: let your parents meet him in a formal setting, maybe with family friends present. If they still refuse, consider whether you can wait a bit while strengthening his commitment. Don’t feel pressured to give up immediately.

+9
3 months ago

Short and real: your parents' feelings matter, but so does your future. Try mediation, introduce him respectfully, and let them voice fears. If they still refuse, think about long-term options and seek fiqh advice on rights and responsibilities. You’re not alone, sis.

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