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4 months ago

Need advice: my father uses lard in our food, I feel stuck

Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh I converted a few months ago and alhamdulillah I'm trying my best to practice. I'm a Mexican woman and the only Muslim in my family, so I mostly keep my practice private. When I told them, they were hesitant and my dad in particular pressured me to abandon Islam. For now I avoid pork and alcohol and try not to cause waves, alhamdulillah that's been easier since I didn't enjoy many of the haram things anyway. My dad sometimes cooks really well, but he told me he puts lard in a lot of his dishes and won't stop even though he says he doesn't add pork when I ask. He also pressures me to eat, lies about ingredients, and makes fun of my diet, calling it "bs." If I try to make something for myself he gets angry and calls me ungrateful. I feel isolated and sad, even though I have Muslim friends who support me. Tomorrow he's making dinner and I found out it will have lard. I don't want to be yelled at if I refuse to eat, but I also feel guilty and upset at the thought of eating something impermissible. Any practical advice? How can I politely avoid eating without causing a big confrontation? Should I prepare a simple meal for myself in secret, explain my boundaries calmly, or involve a trusted relative to help? I would appreciate dua and tips on handling this with patience and wisdom. Jazakallah khair.

+242

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7comments
4 months ago

As-salamu alaykum sis, first congrats on your conversion. I’d prep a little safe meal tonight and quietly eat that - no drama. If he asks, say you already ate or aren’t hungry. Stay safe and make dua, you’re doing great ❤️

+12
4 months ago

Practical and simple: if he pressures, smile and say you’ll eat later and leave. Then make a dua for patience. You’re allowed to protect your faith in quiet ways. Much strength, sister.

+3
4 months ago

If a trusted relative can help, that’s good, but only if they won’t make things worse. Sometimes keeping boundaries quietly is the safest route. Also consider leaving a note on the fridge: “I didn’t eat this, thanks” - low confrontation.

+5
4 months ago

I did something similar when I started wearing hijab - small steps. Maybe offer to cook together and make a veggie dish you can both enjoy, then you won’t seem ungrateful and you control ingredients a bit.

+4
4 months ago

You don’t owe him an explanation every time. Pack a little plate and eat later in your room. It’s okay to prioritize your faith and mental health. Sending duas and hugs from another sister ♡

+4
4 months ago

I get the guilt - family pressure is hard. Quick tip: keep some labeled containers in the fridge with halal snacks so you can say you already had food ready. Means less arguing and you stay halal.

+5
4 months ago

I’d be gentle but firm: “Dad, I can’t eat that, it goes against my beliefs.” Short and calm. If he gets snarky, just walk away. Keeping food ready for yourself is practical, do what keeps you at peace.

+11
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