My personal Hijab Journey 🌸 Starting to wear hijab now (long post)

Assalamu alaikum - I just need to go hijab shopping first 😬 I embraced Islam almost a year ago, and my heart wants to grow in faith. I’ve been holding myself back though. There aren’t many mixed Black convert sisters in the West, especially those who are practicing. There’s a lot of validation and opportunities out there when you’re seen as pretty at this age, and those privileges can pull a lot of mixed Black girls away from Islam, since Islam asks us to let go of some of those things. Many of us don’t come from families with Islamic culture. I almost went into modelling because two big agencies in the Netherlands and Germany scouted me, and I did need the money. But who wants to be part of something that doesn’t align with my values? I try to look my best for myself - that’s my part 🤷‍♀️ The rest is about how I carry myself. Even before Islam I wore modest clothes. I never liked men staring at curves or skin. I’ve never let a cishet man hug me in my life. The main reason I struggled with hijab was my racial identity. I used to straighten my hair when I was younger because I mostly grew up around white people, but I went on a journey to embrace my natural hair and identity. I love my hair and wanted people to see it. With some of my features being more European, my hair was one of the biggest signs that I’m mixed. But now my relationship with my hair is changing and reaching a new purpose. I admire sisters who wear niqab and whose outer modesty matches their character. I have very few Muslim friends and the ones I do have all cover. I want to improve myself with good company. They could show their faces, but they choose to be fully committed. I’m goal-oriented. My highest aim is attaining Allah’s love. Wearing hijab is a step toward that, right? A lot of Muslims today act nouveau riche, proud, and sometimes distasteful - often because many of us are from backgrounds where sudden prosperity feels new. That can lead to loudly showing off what we have, including beauty. Sadly we sometimes see sisters who cover but still wear obviously tight clothes or behave in ways that blur lines, or others who exploit the image of Muslim women online. About men: validation from men never worked for me. They’re attracted to many things, and their attention can feel cheap. There’s this thought that if something goes wrong, the attention won’t stick. I’m not going to give a man the chance to take something from me. When I’m ready, I’ll consider a husband who lowers his gaze, is devout and intentional, and will speak with my family. The random men who might see my hair or my outfits - I won’t have to carry that extra weight of unwanted attention. Wearing hijab feels like a quiet confidence because my value belongs to something greater - to Allah - and I’m proud to set that boundary for myself. I’ll still wear cute dresses (modest ones) and take photos and videos with my sisters to keep memories. Influence matters - not covering and thriving can make other sisters’ paths harder if they’re struggling, and that’s sad. Also, hijab will help set a new standard for how I behave and help me cut out things like songs with lewd lyrics or trashy shows. I don’t want to normalise certain things in my mind anymore. So yeah, that’s where I’m at and I couldn’t be happier 💕 Edit: grammar.