Just another post about feeling empty - salam and need some advice
Assalamu alaikum everyone, I hope you’re all well. I’ll try to keep this short. Any advice or insight would help. How are we supposed to love Allah purely when the relationship feels like master and servant? It feels so transactional sometimes. I know I’m not totally oblivious - I don’t always pray only for what I want; I also acknowledge that Allah deserves praise. Still, I struggle to pray without feeling like I’m just expecting something in return in this life. Opportunities rarely come my way. I’m struggling to find work, I don’t have real close friends anymore - the people I thought were my friends moved on with marriage or careers, we live far apart and barely talk. I don’t blame them. I try to make new friends but can’t seem to find my people. Money is tight so I can’t host or go out much. I live alone and spend my days studying and applying for jobs. I’m graduating this summer and need to secure a job and handle other adult responsibilities. I compare myself to others, not out of envy but hoping everyone keeps their blessings - I just wish the same for myself. I also made a mistake years ago: an aunt used to joke about reading palms, and recently I had a palm reading done for fun. She said details about my past that were oddly accurate and gave predictions that frightened me. I felt awful and made sincere tawbah. Hearing those supposed future problems hurt me and stirred fear, even though I was already praying against such things and asking Allah for ease. I kept making dua even when it was hard to believe it would be answered. I know miracles happen and the power of istighfar, but now I find myself attaching any word of worship to the hope of a worldly reward. It wasn’t always like this and I don’t want it to be. How do I reconnect with sincere love for Allah, and stop treating my prayers like transactions, especially while going through such a hard patch? Any personal tips or reminders that helped you would mean a lot. JazakAllahu khair.