I’m losing hope and feeling stuck, what should I do?

Salam everyone. I was born Muslim and faith has always been a part of me. Lately, after drifting into some bad habits, I’ve pulled myself back and feel closer to Allah than ever. I started praying again, I put my trust in Him, left the sinful stuff behind, and I’m trying to be a better version of myself. I was so excited to go for umrah again-my first time I didn’t take it seriously, treated it like a vacation. But now I’ve got this health issue, an anal fistula, that causes bleeding and discharge, so staying in a state of wudu would be almost impossible. I try my best to wash up and change clothes for each prayer, but I realized this means I can’t do umrah this year. It also makes praying at work really tough since I can’t change there. I’ve been super down about this. Sometimes I feel like this is a punishment from Allah, that He’s keeping me impure because of my past mistakes, and maybe that’s why my duas feel unanswered and my life isn’t improving. Honestly, I’m scared of getting surgery, but my heart is also broken that umrah is off the table. I just don’t know what to do or who to lean on.