I'm Having a Hard Time with My Faith and Can't Seem to Move On

Assalamu alaikum. I was raised in a Muslim family, and when I was younger, I always saw religion as something tied to where you're from or your culture. I had friends from all sorts of backgrounds and went to an international school, so I never thought my friends were destined for hell. Even as a kid, I had questions but never really dug into them because I was too young to understand. Around 15, I decided to try and get closer to Islam since I felt I hadn't really connected with it before. I started looking into arguments for and against God's existence, and it left me really confused and scared I might leave the deen, so I stopped. But I kept coming back to it, and it became this cycle where trying to get closer just pushed me further away. I was encouraged to wear the hijab at 13, and I still do, but I've struggled with it a lot. Now, that struggle has spread to my whole faith. I'm not sure I can believe in Islam anymore. Right now, during Ramadan, I'm fasting and trying to pray, but it's tough. I can't make myself believe in a merciful God when I see all the suffering and hardship in the world. It doesn't make sense to me that there's one true religion when where you're born seems to decide what you follow. Sometimes it feels pretty clear that no religion is the 'right' one. That said, I do see some points, like the cosmological and fine-tuning arguments, and I don't get where consciousness comes from. There seems to be good reason to think a Creator exists. But how can that Creator be all-knowing and all-merciful with so much pain out there? Why do kids and animals suffer if they're not accountable? Why do natural disasters happen? Why do innocent people suffer because of the rich and powerful? None of it feels right. I couldn't look a child dying of cancer in the eye and say it's all part of God's plan. What kind of plan is that? At the same time, I can't just walk away. I have an emotional tie to the faith, my whole family is Muslim, I wear the hijab, and I still feel that religious guilt. Even within Islam, there are things in the hadith I really can't agree with-there's a lot that feels unfair to women, and other moral issues I struggle with. Why does so much violence, oppression, and control happen in religion's name? If God knew someone wouldn't believe and still created them, why would He send them to hell? Why wouldn't God want everyone to follow Him? It says He guides whom He wills, but why not show Himself to everyone the same way? Why would we be punished for things we can't control? And these are just questions about God's existence-I have so many more doubts about Islam itself.