I feel ashamed to admit I'm scared to trust Allah

Assalamu alaikum. I feel ashamed to admit this, but I’m afraid to put my trust in Allah. I’m scared to hope for things. I’ve even stopped reading namaz and stopped making dua because hoping feels like it will only bring more pain. That kind of hope hurts worse than having none at all. I’m frightened - how did I end up this way? For years I prayed for a husband, for a marriage based on sincere love. I prayed for health, for my mental well‑being. Instead I was diagnosed with vitiligo, my health has suffered, I left my master’s program, and my relationships with my family have fractured. Who will accept me in an arranged marriage with this condition? When I asked Allah for a spouse I got a diagnosis instead, something that makes finding a match feel nearly impossible. My career plans are gone and my friends seem to be moving forward. It feels like everything I wanted has come to them easily while I struggle. I’m truly happy for them, but I can’t help feeling abandoned by Allah. My bond with my family is strained, especially with my mother, and I feel like I have no one to rely on. Everything I hoped for seems to be falling apart right in front of me. I don’t know how to rebuild my faith and trust when it feels like every prayer led to more loss.