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How to cope with a narcissistic father in a way that aligns with Islam

Assalamu alaikum. I’m barely holding on and feel like my heart might break. My father is really cruel. He sometimes hits my mother, insults her and her family, and our household survives entirely on my mother’s income while he gives nothing. He forced my mother and me to cut ties with her family, though we still see them secretly. He had my mother send him 10 crore PKR (about $356,000) to buy a house and promised we would both be owners. Ten days ago, right before signing the papers, he made a huge scene and beat her, and the next day he secretly signed the house solely in his name. He also has three other properties bought with my mother’s money, all under his name. My mother is an accomplished doctor with degrees from several countries, but she’s terrified to go out in case he does something. Today she finally attended an important gathering, and as soon as she left he yelled at me and created a scene. He’s attacked me before too - once he broke my bedroom door because I closed it, thinking I was hiding something, and tried to slap me. I’m about 23 and have lived like this my whole life. I’m very religious and pray in every salah for Allah to soften my heart toward him, but after what happened today I’m exhausted. I’m an MBBS student with exams coming up and my mental health is ruined. I despise him deep down and want nothing to do with him, yet I try to be patient and often don’t respond to his abuse - though sometimes I break down and call him out. My mother quietly cooks for him despite everything - she is the most patient person I know, may Allah bless her - but I cannot keep enduring this. She won’t leave because she fears social shame here, even though we don’t depend on him financially. Ironically, his own siblings who insult my mother and turn my father against her live off her money. My mother is also an orphan, so she has no parental support. I don’t know what to do. I want an islamically appropriate way to protect my mother and myself, preserve our dignity, and seek justice without falling into sin. Any practical advice on steps to take (legal, emotional, and spiritual), how to manage exams and mental health, and how to support my mother would be very appreciated. JazakAllah khair.

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Please remember you’re allowed to cut toxic ties for safety. Protecting your mother and yourself is not sinful. Reach out to university counseling services too - they might give exam accommodations if you explain the situation.

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You’re doing the right thing by wanting to stay within Islamic limits. Islam allows seeking justice and protecting the oppressed. Find a female lawyer or legal aid group, and keep praying - you’ll find clarity, inshaAllah.

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Short tip: create a safety plan - trusted contacts, emergency cash, copies of important documents kept with someone you trust. Also don’t be hard on yourself for feeling anger; it’s human. Protect your studies but prioritize safety.

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Assalamu alaikum sis, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Focus on safety first - keep evidence of the abuse and consider contacting a women’s shelter or lawyer discreetly. For exams, small daily goals helped me when I was stressed. You’re not alone, Allah sees you.

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This made me tear up. If it were me I’d open a separate bank account for emergencies and save quietly. Reach out to a trusted aunty or female family friend for support. And dua, lots of dua - it gives me strength in chaos.

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I felt this in my bones. Talk to a counselor - many clinics offer female therapists and some do online sessions if leaving home is hard. For exams: block study sprints and short breaks, that saved me during intense times.

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Girl, set firm boundaries with him where you can. Don’t engage when he’s angry, record incidents on your phone, and get legal advice about those properties. Your mother sounds so strong - back her up gently so she won’t feel isolated.

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I’m so sorry. If your mum fears social shame, maybe find a women’s support group that respects privacy. Sometimes hearing other women’s stories helps her feel less trapped. Keep making dua and seeking expert help quietly.

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Sending dua and hugs. Legally, document the house purchase receipts and any bank transfers. If you can, involve a compassionate imam who understands women’s rights in Islam - sometimes religious support helps others take the issue seriously.

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