How do I move forward after missing a big chance?

Assalamu Alaikum, everyone. I really need your advice: how do you heal and move on from something that just complicates your whole life? I messed up a huge opportunity, probably once in a lifetime, because of my obsessive-compulsive thoughts. They twisted my wish to be pious, making me lose that chance under the name of religion, and now it's likely gone for good. Honestly, I’m hurting in so many ways. I did Istikhara, begging for guidance, but it feels like there was no answer. Yes, maybe something worse was averted, on paper-but in reality, every part of my life has just gotten harder. Four years of this, and my patience is completely worn out. Then I wonder, does sticking to my deen just make things tougher? Because those who aren’t as concerned with faith didn’t face this specific struggle. My OCD preyed on my want to be committed, and it's messed up. And sometimes I just think, why wasn't I protected from falling when my heart was in the right place? With other troubles on top, overcoming this all feels like climbing a mountain. Any thoughtful words or duas would mean a lot. Jazakum Allahu Khayran.