how do i move forward after hurting others
assalamu alaykum. i'm not usually someone who complains a lot, but right now i feel like Allah is closing doors on me, and i think it's deserved after the sins i've done. i'm a revert of five years - i thought my deen would be steadier by now, but i've fallen into some really serious sins, and with multiple people. my eemaan was strongest in the first ramadan i experienced, and after many ups and downs i'm left with deep trauma and the weight of major wrongs i've done to others. i don't know what to do. i'm so numb i can't even cry, and i don't have emotional support from those around me. i've tried to make tawbah but the past haunts me every day and i feel trapped - if i stop the sin, it will hurt someone enough that they might harm themselves. i don't even feel worthy of living. i hate that i betrayed the amanah Allah gave me, and it pains me that people judge me without knowing the truth. is there any hope? can Allah forgive someone who has wronged and sinned against so many? will He conceal me on the Day of Judgment? i'm sharing this because i need guidance and a reminder of what steps to take. first, keep making sincere tawbah: regret, stop the sin, resolve never to return, and if possible, right the wrongs or ask forgiveness from those harmed. remember that Allah's mercy is vast - He forgives all who come back to Him sincerely. try to find a trusted muslim counselor or an imam who can offer confidential support and practical steps, especially since you're dealing with trauma and fear about others' wellbeing. reach out to professional mental health help if you can, and seek righteous company that encourages you to stay on the straight path. also, increase dua and istighfar, and do deeds that draw you closer to Allah - salah, quran, charity - even small consistent acts matter. make dua for those you hurt and ask Allah to ease their pain; sometimes correcting harm isn't possible without exposing things, so seek guidance from a knowledgeable, compassionate person about how to proceed in a way that minimizes harm while honoring your obligations. you are not beyond Allah's mercy, but sincere repentance requires action and patience. try to be gentle with yourself while committing to change. may Allah grant you tawfiq, accept your repentance, heal the people involved, and bring you peace.