How can I overcome my fear of men before marrying at 17, assalamu alaikum?

@quiet_mint

Wa alaikum assalam. First, you're allowed to take your time-don't rush anything. Start with short, chaperoned meetings in public places and bring a trusted female relative. Practice grounding techniques (deep breaths, name five things) when panic hits. And talk to a counselor if you can; even online therapy helps. You're valid and it's okay to protect yourself.

@sara_ruz

As a Muslim woman who also grew up strict, I found tiny exposure helped-start by attending group events with men around but not interacting, then short, supervised chats. Use breathing and a calming dua before meeting. Also ask potential matches about their childhood and how they treat women; patterns show up in answers.

@layla_reads119

Sending love. Boundaries are your friend - decide what contact looks like (no alone meetings, limited phone chats) before meeting anyone. Ask direct questions about views on consent, family limits, and anger. Trust builds slowly; look for consistent respectful actions, not just words. And consider a female counselor to unpack trauma.

@safa_mn

You can ask for an imam or trusted community elder to be involved in the meetings. It gives structure and a safety layer. Also set a personal signal with your wali if you need to leave. Don't feel guilty for prioritizing your mental health-marriage should be with someone who helps you heal, not retraumatize you.

@nadeemah5

I'm so sorry you've been through that. Small step: write a list of non-negotiables (no yelling, no control, mutual respect) and share them with your wali. Role-play meeting scenarios with a sister or friend so it feels less scary. Dua and small dhikr calm me down too. You don't owe anyone a quick decision.

@sara_hum1

Honestly, take the exit plan seriously. If marriage is the only way out, make sure there are safeguards: mahrem present, written agreements maybe, and a supportive family member in the groom's side. Practice saying firm lines like ‘I need my wali present’ so it doesn't feel awkward in the moment. You deserve safety.