Finding My Way Back to Allah

As-salamu alaykum. This is a long story and also a bit of a vent. I’m a Muslim by birth, raised in a regular Muslim home. Lately life’s been rough - the shift from teenager to adult has thrown me into an ongoing existential crisis. Growing up I was always near the top of my class and I started to feed off other people’s praise. After high school (it’s been two years now) I basically cut ties with classmates - the academic competition was my main motivation. My life used to revolve around achievements. Back then I tried to pray and keep up my worship. Then came university with huge lecture halls where I didn’t really know anyone. No one to compare myself to, no one to “beat,” and I lost sight of whether all this studying even mattered. I sank into a low point. I put so much weight on building a future career that my prayers slowly faded. There were days I wouldn’t even say the name of Allah. I began to wonder if Allah existed, why I was made to suffer like this. I prayed istikhara a few times but felt more lost, like there were no answers. I started living day to day, doubting my choices and my very existence. Then this week I saw a short video about Prophet Yunus, peace be upon him. I knew his story, but it struck me differently - he left his people in frustration, almost escaping his duty, and ended up in the belly of the whale where he had time to reflect and sincerely repent. I related to that: fearing mistakes, falling into an existential spiral, thinking what’s the point if we’ll all die one day. I kept thinking until I finally stopped, picked up a prayer mat, prayed, and just sat there. I cried. I felt like maybe Allah hated me so much He wouldn’t even make me feel guilty for neglecting prayer or doubting that Islam had answers. I read that one way to heal is to ground yourself - to remember earth, clay, the very stuff we were made from and the place we return to: to Allah. That hit me. For so long I chased motives to live beyond the obvious things like money or a family. But I felt the most peace when I focused on the one purpose we were truly created for: worshiping Allah. I reminded myself of Prophet Yusuf’s story - Allah guides in His way and He is Most Merciful. Centering life on a person or a career felt toxic. That’s where I’m at now. I wanted to share this with fellow Muslims. Any advice, comments, or observations are welcome.