Feeling Numb and Seeking Relief, Assalamu Alaikum

Assalamu Alaikum. Lately it feels like life is slipping past me and I’m just numb to it all. Keeping it short: it’s been three years since I had a decent tech job. I know I’m capable of more - got close a few times but things fell through. Right now I’m stuck in a mediocre job. On top of that, things are getting worse overall: I’ve gained a lot of weight (6'0", about 270 lbs), I’m struggling with an addiction to adult content, and I’m dependent on nicotine (zyn). I’m 30M. A few times I felt like I was making progress, and then when an obstacle showed up I froze, retreated, and had to disappear into the shadows for a while. I know I need to improve and that change is day by day. The problem is I just wish for some sign, some relief, anything to make this bearable. Opportunities that look promising keep falling apart, over and over, and it slowly eats you inside - that gut-wrenching pain. I know sin and my lower self (nafs) are part of the problem, and I must stop those things, but when so many doors close it feels like the nafs is desperate for escape because it can’t handle the pressure. I did Umrah and alhamdulillah I’m grateful for that. I keep hoping my dua will be answered soon - it was for my sister and that gives me comfort. I try not to complain and mostly speak to Allah about my struggles, but I’m only human. Watching life go by when it’s your responsibility feels overwhelming and unbearable. That’s why the addictions grab hold of me; as a man I feel I have to bottle things up, and sometimes I get this weird hysterical laugh while my gut hurts and I just want to lie down and zone out to numb the pain. I just feel numb. Prayers welcome. May Allah give us strength and open doors.