Feeling my faith slipping away, need dua and advice
Assalamu alaikum. I feel like my iman is fading every day. I used to pray five times a day, and now some days I only manage once or even miss prayers entirely. I used to wake for tahajjud, but lately I'm wondering if I even believe in any of it anymore. I grew up in a South Asian family and experienced emotional and physical abuse. Things got worse when my aunt and her family moved back to our country. As a child she blamed me for things I never did, called me ugly and dark, and treated me differently from my cousins and siblings because she has a daughter close to my age. I used to wear the hijab when I was young and she would get jealous, telling me to stop caring about appearance or intentionally not liking my photos when family shared them. She would give me burnt food and there are many more examples. My parents never intervened because they believed it’s haram to break family ties. Instead they took her side, repeating that I'm ugly and stupid. For the past few months I've been deeply depressed, crying myself to sleep while forcing a smile in front of everyone. I had to cut back my studies and leaving the house alone is terrifying - my heart races and I feel like I might die. I've prayed to Allah to remove the abuse and the pain caused by my aunt and parents, but it feels like nothing has changed. I'm getting more depressed and losing hope. I just don't feel this religion anymore - why is my life getting worse? Please, if anyone can share sincere dua, practical steps, or gentle reminders from the deen to help me through this, I'd really appreciate it. JazakAllah khair.