Feeling lost trying to improve my deen

Assalamu alaykum. For about a year I've been trying so hard to be a better Muslim. I truly believe Allah ‎ﷻ knows best and that His rules are for our good, but lately it feels like so many small things keep dragging me down that I don't find real joy in life. Sorry if this is a bit all over the place. A big thing for me used to be drawing. It used to make me really happy - I always had a sketchbook full of my characters and people knew me as the artist. But after thinking about what I used to draw, I decided it wasn't appropriate for me anymore. It's been about a year and I still feel this emptiness from giving it up. I understand the reasoning behind the ruling, but sometimes I think, "I wouldn't display or worship these drawings, I'd just draw for myself - so why can't I?" I cry over this sometimes. It's harder because people close to me still draw and don't seem bothered. My brother makes beautiful drawings and animations and keeps showing me his work because he still thinks of me as the art person. My best friend is learning too and knows my struggle. I'm not angry with them - I'm just heartbroken about my own choice. People say I can draw non-animate things, but that doesn't bring me any joy. I want to draw people for expression, not for worship - Audhubillah. I know the warnings about how some take things too far and make idols of fictional characters, and I don't want that either. I just miss making little silly sketches for myself. I feel torn: I want it so badly but I also know Allah ‎ﷻ forbade it. So I keep telling myself day by day, "don't draw," and I try to give it up for Allah ‎ﷻ, but the sadness stays. I thought maybe changing madhab could help - I'm Hanafi and read Maliki opinions that are more lenient - but I worry about switching schools just to follow my nafs, and that feels like another dead end. Relatedly, I used to love games, anime, manga, and fantasy books. I spent a lot on volumes and awaited new chapters and episodes. The worldbuilding and lore made me so happy. But I began worrying about shirk and felt I needed to let those go for Allah ‎ﷻ. I stopped watching, threw out manga and novels, even tossed a few figures. I know it was the right decision, but now I have no happiness from those things. I try to check shows carefully before watching and usually find elements that make me uncomfortable. I feel a void where my hobbies were. I feel bored and miserable a lot. When other Muslims tell me to just watch a movie or play a game, I can't explain all the thoughts that stop me. Sometimes I look at them and think, "aren't you afraid of Allah ‎ﷻ?" It feels like no one understands how seriously I take these things. The hardest part is my marriage. We married a few months ago but aren't living together yet because of visa issues. Salah is extremely important to me; I'm very anxious about praying on time and even ask my family to adjust plans so I can pray. My husband doesn't pray. I knew before our nikkah and my parents said it's common for men to start praying when they live with their wives, so I agreed. I regret that now. He focuses on his job and says he trusts Allah ‎ﷻ, but he can't commit 25 minutes a day to salah. He even had a near-death experience before we met but wants to use his life to travel instead of changing his ways. This has killed my attraction to him. He's a good person otherwise, but I can't get past how little he prioritizes his religion. I've given up so much for Allah ‎ﷻ and it hurts that he still talks about and enjoys the very things I stopped. He'll mention shows I used to love, despite knowing I gave them up, and it feels like he doesn't take my struggle seriously. My mum jokes I should've been married to a sheikh. Even if I'm not perfect, I think I might be happier with someone intentionally trying to help me improve. I feel alone on my path. Some people call me extreme and tell me to relax and enjoy life; that hurts because I don't know how to take pleasure in things that I believe aren't permissible. I also struggle with religious OCD. It makes me doubt whether my devotion is genuine or just part of my illness. Am I trying to change for Allah ‎ﷻ or because of my OCD? Am I a good Muslim? These doubts push me to accept the strictest rulings to avoid accidentally sinning, and it heightens my anxiety. I don't really know what I want from writing this - maybe a vent, maybe advice, maybe someone who understands. If there are trustworthy, sincere scholarly opinions that could ease my burden, I'd be open to hearing them. Please keep me in your du'as. JazakAllah khair.