Feeling Lost and Seeking Support, Please Keep Me in Your Duas
As-salamu alaykum sisters, I really need some advice and just someone to listen. My relationship with my mother has been really tough. A few months ago, we had one of our usual intense arguments while driving on the motorway. She made me panic, and I accidentally ended up in a wrong lane meant for lorries instead of cars. Since then, my mental health has gotten much worse. I truly dislike living in this house. I don’t even need a fight with my mum to feel that way. I spend most of my time locked in my small bedroom, only stepping out to use the bathroom or eat. I try to keep conversations short to avoid arguments. After that big fight on the motorway, I came home and took an overdose-not to die, but just to escape everything for a while. I’m also trying to get help for something very painful I went through-a rape by a colleague years ago. But I haven’t told my mum because I’m scared she might use it against me. The problem is I can’t talk on the phone when I’m at home because my family would overhear. So I always email first and then arrange phone calls for when I’m out at college or volunteering. It’s so exhausting. I just wish I could pick up the phone and speak openly to someone. The stress has made me resent my family even more. My mental health feels so bad that sometimes I think about going to a mental health hospital. I’ve had my medication reviewed but it’s not helping much. I believe leaving this house will make a big difference for me. I’ve decided to leave tomorrow and have contacted a local refuge that’s helping me find temporary accommodation. I’ve packed and told my mum I’m leaving. She asked where I’m going, and I said to the refuge I stayed at before. The hard part is I don’t really know where I’ll end up or if I’ll find a safe place. Please keep me in your duas and if you have any advice, I’d be grateful. I feel so trapped. I’m an adult woman but have to keep such big secrets from my family just because I can’t share what happened to me. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t Muslim, because I see how others can openly share with their parents and get support. My family has no idea how I feel deep inside. Sometimes I feel so low, but the only thing stopping me is my faith in Allah and the hope of the Day of Judgement.