Feeling like the family villain - Assalamualaikum, need advice

Assalamualaikum, I’ve always wanted to feel truly loved by my mother. I know she does love me in some way, but it never feels like she actually likes me. As the youngest daughter with four older sisters, I grew up quietly watching them get all the attention. I didn’t learn to cook or clean properly for the first 15/16 years because I genuinely didn’t need to - my sisters handled it and I was usually trying to get Mum to notice me, not learning chores. Now I’m 19 (turning 20 next Monday) and suddenly I’m expected to already know everything. My mum seems to think I spent those years observing and practicing, but I was just trying to catch her eye. With three sisters moved out and one still here, there’s constant competition for Mum’s attention and I often end up being the villain in her stories. I’m lazy, selfish, I don’t deserve the care she gives me - that’s how she talks about me. Meanwhile I find comfort in books and in music that the family doesn’t appreciate. I’d feel more at home between the pages than in a noisy room full of my sisters. I don’t understand why my mother treats me like this. I’ve tried for 19 years to make her proud or close, but it never seems enough. I can’t wear modest makeup without a lecture, while my sister (only three years older) wears it and it’s fine. If I buy something with money from my part-time jobs I’m “spoiled,” but when she buys things it’s cute and Mum compliments her. If I pick up extra shifts to be out and support myself, I’m neglecting my duties at home, but when my sister does the same she gets sympathy. It’s tiring - why is it only me being judged? A small but annoying example: we alternate dish weeks. When I come home from an 8.5 hour shift to a sink of dishes I’m expected to wash them, but when she comes home to the same mess Mum says nothing. When the roles switch and I’m home while she’s at work, I’m told to wash them immediately and lectured for being lazy. If I speak up I’m accused of talking back and being disrespectful, and then Mum complains to my older sisters about how I never help and waste my money and wear too much makeup, so they also scold me. Every chat with her feels like an attack - orders barked instead of a calm request. Why can’t she just ask nicely? I’ll still do the task, I just want respect. I’m tired of the snide remarks about how I dress, my makeup (she’ll say things like “you’re not going to a fashion show”), and how much I work. Recently she even slapped me after I told her what I put on my face doesn’t affect her, and now I’m getting the silent treatment - which is oddly nicer than constant nagging. This has affected my relationship with my hijab. I’ve never struggled with it before, even through school, but the constant comments about my appearance and the pressure about how others should look have damaged how I see myself. I have a stronger sense of self and good friends, but it scares me that my own mother’s attitude is making me doubt things I used to feel confident about. No matter how strong I try to be, it hurts that I’ll probably never be Mum’s “girl,” just her daughter. I see friends who are close to their mothers, who can speak about anything and feel supported - I don’t have that. I don’t know what else to try; I’m thinking of giving up on being close to her because it seems she only sees me as her child and nothing more. Any advice on how to cope, communicate with her, or find peace while maintaining family ties would mean a lot. JazakAllah khair.