Feeling like I've drifted from my deen

As-salamu alaykum, I'm a revert of five years. For the last almost two years my imaan and enthusiasm for practising Islam have been slowly slipping. It makes me sad because when I was Christian, even if I wasn't always strict, religion felt important to me. Now it sits low on my priority list and I miss feeling close to Allah. Even while my faith was weakening I kept up the five daily prayers, but recently that's stopped too. I had a baby 10 weeks ago, alhamdulillah, and I'm exhausted. My son clings to me - I can't put him down without him crying. He sleeps on me and wakes if I try to move. Lately he's more fussy and I'm too tired to do much. Most days I only manage one or two prayers. I feel guilty, but when I did pray before it often felt forced. I didn't feel anything in salah, I didn't look forward to it; I rushed and my mind was distracted. I also struggle with some other things. I used to enjoy going to church - I loved the atmosphere and the hymns. I don't enjoy going to the mosque as much, and I've heard many women say it's better to pray at home. Why is that? From my experience the Muslims I met seemed more judgemental than the Christians I knew, and that bothers me. I'm also finding hijab difficult in a way: I don't think I'd take it off because I'd feel awkward, but right now a hat and scarf with an underscarf is what I use in the cold. I miss parts of my past. I miss having an occasional drink for the relaxing feeling, and I used to smoke - I miss that too. I miss a friend who was gay; we drifted apart when I was trying to be better and my husband wasn't comfortable with that friendship around our children. I have no friends now. I miss dressing how I used to and not constantly worrying about bigotry. Lately I've heard people say that when Allah is displeased He takes away salah - and it feels like it's been taken from me. I've prayed and cried for guidance but the connection just isn't there. Sometimes I fear Allah doesn't want me to be Muslim. I feel like I've lost my identity. I don't know who I am. When I pray now it sometimes feels like a show so my husband thinks I'm praying. I do believe Islam is the truth, but I'm finding it very hard to follow. I miss aspects of Christianity, but I don't want to return to drinking; the main thing stopping me from going back to smoking is my son. I want him to grow up as a good Muslim - how can he if his mother isn't practicing? I honestly don't know what to do. Most advice I get is the usual: read this surah, pray sunnah, fast certain days. When I try those things it feels forced and pushes me further away because my heart isn't in it. I've started reading the Qur'an in English with notes to try to understand better. Maybe understanding will help me reconnect. Does anyone have recommendations for good English Qur'ans with explanations, or any practical advice besides "pray more"? I'm already struggling to keep up with fardh prayers and need guidance that fits my tired, overwhelmed reality.