Feeling Like Allah Wants Me to Be Alone - Need Advice
As-salaam aleykum, I’m a 26-year-old woman and I’ve struggled with making friends my whole life. I had a few school friends but I always felt lonely. I never really learned how to form or keep friendships and I’ve had a deep fear of rejection since I was a child. In recent years I haven’t had any close female friends outside of university. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. Two patterns keep repeating for me: either someone is interested in me and I’m not interested, or we both seem interested and then they vanish for no reason. Because of that I’ve never been able to be in a relationship. At my age I feel embarrassed to tell men that I have no past; I worry they’ll think something’s wrong with me. It seems like so many men my age already have history, and that makes me feel unfairly left behind. Sometimes when a man I might like shows interest, it triggers a lot of sadness and I don’t fully understand why. Since my teens I’ve preferred being alone. I’m often uncomfortable around people, even family, and can’t always explain why. In my twenties I noticed my family is very unemotional; I used to think all families were like that until I saw others being more verbally caring. Hearing my sister‑in‑law speak warmly to her husband on the phone made me want to cry. I have two brothers: one seems to have sociopathic traits so I avoid him as much as possible, the other has been testing my limits and even hit me in recent years. This loneliness hurts deeply - I feel it in my chest. I’m sharing this because I need dua and honest advice from sisters who understand: how do I learn to form healthy friendships and relationships, how do I cope with the rejection fear, and how can I heal from family wounds while trusting Allah’s plan? Any practical steps, duas, or personal experiences would mean a lot. JazakAllahu khairan.