Feeling isolated as an autistic Muslimah wearing hijab
As-salamu alaykum, sisters. I'm going through a tough patch right now because people know I'm Muslim. I live in a very liberal country. I'm autistic and have cPTSD, so I avoid conflict as much as possible. My struggle isn't the usual hijab self-image stuff - it's mostly social anxiety. Please read with an open heart; I've been judged a lot for worrying about how others see me. When I wear the hijab, some folks treat it like an invitation to argue with me or attack my beliefs, even when I'm just going about my day. There are certain world topics that make me feel really triggered and stressed, and I want to step away from them, but people keep bringing them up in conversation with me specifically because I cover. The hijab has become political for many, even if someone wears it for purely spiritual reasons. I'm aware and engaged politically, but I don't have the energy to defend myself in every conversation, especially when people level wild accusations. What hurts most is how other women behave toward me - the dirty looks, avoidance, mocking, and exclusion. Being autistic and having always struggled with feeling "woman enough" growing up already made social life hard. Since I started wearing the hijab, I feel lonelier and more anxious than ever, attacked from both Muslims and non-Muslims. Everyone feels so hostile and I'm not sure how much more I can handle, even if admitting that sounds weak. I just want to be accepted and feel normal. I'm a girl who enjoys the same things other girls do. Does anyone else relate to this? Jazakillah khair to anyone who reads my rant :')