Feeling Hopeless and Seeking Peace, As-Salamu Alaykum

As-salamu alaykum. I don't expect many to read this, but I need to get it out. I won't take my life because it's haram and I don't want to face the consequences in the hereafter, but I'm exhausted with this world. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about an end to everything - when distant news of terrible events comes up I feel a strange relief, like finally nothing would matter. Maybe that's just how I'm feeling right now. I'm stuck in a struggling country, stressed about the future, and sometimes I just wish the world would stop. The only thing that feels daring is riding my bike fast and feeling how fragile life is. I don't know what to do - nothing seems to help. Maybe it's because I haven't seen anything truly good in my life lately, though alhamdulillah for what's there. If it were allowed, I think I might have given up already. I don't really understand when people say "think of those you leave behind" - if I'm gone I won't feel it, and they might move on eventually. I can't get professional help because I can't afford it, and honestly I don't even know if I want it. I just want not to exist, for my problems to vanish. Sometimes I imagine living in a different, peaceful place - maybe a simple life without stress, responsibilities, or constant comparison. I don't even know what to do with my life. Everything feels broken and nothing seems to go my way. I want to do something meaningful, but I don't know where to begin. I'm a poor guy who knows how to fly planes but can't afford flight school - it's cruelly ironic. Maybe I'd even donate my organs if that could help someone else. This is probably just a rant, but I needed to say it. Please keep me in your duas.