Feeling Distant from Allah - Need Advice and Du'a

As-salamu alaykum. Ever since I was little, my family has been very religious. When I was a child they didn’t force prayer on me, but once I reached puberty it was expected that I’d just suddenly start praying all the time. I got my period at eleven, and from then until now, even though I’m older, I’ve struggled with Salah and my deen in general. Growing up I’ve become more aware of how far I feel from Allah and how much I’m having trouble with religion. I can’t manage all five daily prayers consistently. Lately I tried to begin with just one prayer to slowly build a habit, but I can’t even keep that up. Whenever I try to explain to my family that I need to take small steps, they say you can’t take Islam slowly - what’s wajib is wajib - and that missing prayers will lead to Jahannam. Hearing that all the time terrifies me. It makes me feel like if I try to improve slowly and then die while still struggling, I’ll be doomed. During the day I might do things like listen to music and not feel much guilt, but at night it all hits me. I become overwhelmed with fear about my sins and truly believe deep down that I’m headed for hellfire. People tell me to hold on to Allah’s mercy, but I was mainly raised hearing about punishment, not much about mercy, so it’s really hard for me to feel or understand His rahma. I don’t want to keep living this way. I really want to be close to Allah, but it’s so hard. Some nights I don’t pray at all and then I lie awake for hours terrified I might die and be punished. That fear consumes me. I’ve looked for others who feel like this; many people struggle, but I don’t often see someone with exactly this mix of fear and inconsistency. I’m sharing because I’m desperate for guidance. I’m scared of dying in this state. Over the years I’ve had short periods where I’m very religious and pray all five prayers for a couple of weeks, but it never lasts. Then guilt hits and I repent. Recently I’ve been making dua and tawbah every night, but even that scares me - it feels like I’m repenting out of fear of death rather than pure sincerity, so I worry my repentance won’t be accepted. I keep doubting my intentions. I know only Allah knows the heart, but I honestly don’t understand my own motives anymore. I’m exhausted living like this. I want to draw closer to Allah, but fear takes over everything. Right now it’s 1:48 a.m. and I can’t sleep because I didn’t pray today. I didn’t even do the one prayer I was trying to keep. I’m terrified I’ll die tonight and go to hell. I believe Jahannam is real and its punishment is real, and I don’t want that. I don’t know what to do anymore and I need help. If anyone has practical advice, dua, or steps that helped them with consistency, managing fear, or understanding Allah’s mercy, please share. Jazakum Allah khair.