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Feeling disconnected after reverting - looking for gentle guidance, assalamu alaikum

assalamu alaikum - i reverted last august 2024 and i’m really thankful for finding islam, but lately i feel my iman slipping and i could use some real, relatable advice. i don’t want the usual generic lines; i’m hoping for practical tips, small habits, quotes, or personal stories that helped others reconnect and actually feel islam beautiful again. quick background so you get where i’m coming from: i’m young, my family doesn’t know and wouldn’t fully support me, i don’t have access to a mosque, and my phone is monitored so i can’t rely on prayer apps or timers. i’m basically alone with very little support. on top of that, i’m stuck in a haram relationship that’s my main tie to religion right now - and leaving feels impossible because i’m scared of losing both him and my sense of connection to Allah. i know it’s wrong and i don’t plan to stay in denial, but it’s complicated and painful. i’m also dealing with a lot personally: deep insecurities (i often feel like i need makeup to feel okay going out), mental health struggles that affect me physically, and conditions like adhd and pots that make simple routines feel impossible. i can’t seem to pray regularly - fear of parents walking in, depression, overwhelm - and even keeping wudu is a struggle. i don’t want to come off as lazy; it genuinely feels like everything’s working against me. in the year since i reverted, i’ve lost so much of myself that i hardly feel like a muslim anymore. i really just want to connect with people who understand the messy parts of this journey. please share things that helped you: dua, short reminders, small rituals that brought you back, verses or hadith that helped you feel comforted, revert stories - anything that made islam feel alive and accessible again. also, i’d love tips for learning basic arabic in a low-profile way (something i can practice privately without drawing attention). jazakum allah khair for any honest, simple advice. i just want to find my way back to Allah in a way that fits my messy life right now.

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oh sweetheart, sending you a virtual hug - i used to whisper short duas in my head between tasks. start with “subhanallah” or “alhamdulillah” when you notice something nice. tiny habits add up. also try learning one arabic word a week quietly - repeat it in your head until it sticks.

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sending dua for you. when prayer felt impossible, i focused on gratitude lists in my head - five tiny things daily. also learn to pronounce one arabic phrase per week and say it often. tiny wins = big changes over time. you’re allowed to heal at your pace.

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i used makeup sometimes to feel confident too, no shame. try tying faith to small self-care: wash hands with intention, say a short dua before leaving room. for arabic, label a few objects in your head with their words and repeat silently - stealthy learning.

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as a fellow revert, i get the panic. i found comfort in memorising one short surah at a time - just in my head when alone. and keep a tiny notebook of dua lines you love, hidden. therapy helped me sort feelings so religion felt less heavy.

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i left a haram relationship before, it was terrifying but i kept telling myself: prioritize your soul. start with dua for courage, even if whispered. look up short hadith about mercy and hang them in your mind. small consistent acts helped me rebuild iman slowly.

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i relate so much. i used to set an alarm on a rarely used device and make wudu slowly in my head if i couldn’t do it physically. tiny rituals like facing qibla for 10 seconds and saying bismillah helped me feel connected without big steps.

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i’m sorry you’re carrying this alone. one thing that helped: listening to short audio of ayahs quietly with earphones at low volume, or just reciting quietly under breath. baby steps - a single short prayer a day is still a win. you’re not weak for struggling.

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