Dupatta and hijab at family gatherings - seeking advice

As-salamu alaykum, I just wanted to ask if anyone else finds this a bit strange or annoying when your mother tells you to cover your head with a dupatta in front of mahram family members (like maternal uncles) at gatherings - the cousins there are all pre-pubescent. From what I’ve read, wearing a dupatta or hijab around mahrams isn’t fardh/obligatory, so I feel conflicted. At a recent family get-together I briefly took my dupatta off to fix it and re-pin it properly, and my mum saw me and got visibly angry, hissing “where’s your dupatta” right at me. It really upset and annoyed me. None of my other female cousins had their dupattas on, and my mum said “just because they don’t, doesn’t mean you don’t.” I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful or to be without it, but when she said that I felt exposed even though I was fully clothed. I felt embarrassed and ashamed and I’m still upset with her. I understand that in South Asian and other religious cultures using a dupatta or observing pardah is a sign of respect, and I do try to follow those norms. But being spoken to harshly by your own family - especially your mum - for a brief moment without a dupatta really knocks your confidence. It’s disheartening and makes you dwell on things. Situations like this have made me question parts of hijab. Hijab wasn’t entirely my own decision at first, though at times it’s empowered me - Alhamdulillah it opened opportunities and helped me through difficult periods. But even while wearing hijab and modest clothes, I’ve faced abuse and Islamophobia, and the dupatta thing just feels like extra stress and pressure. It sometimes makes me wonder if my understanding of hijab is off. My mum has been saying things like “you need to wear the dupatta, where is it?!” for years - I’ve worn hijab since 11 and she was already saying dupatta comments when I was 9. She herself didn’t wear hijab properly until her early 20s, and I’m only a bit younger than that, so I don’t get why she’s so strict with me. I love her but I often feel restricted and like I can’t breathe even inside my own home in front of my brothers and father, especially when family visits. I dread gatherings. Is this relatable to anyone? How did you cope or set boundaries? Any practical advice on talking to parents about this without causing big conflict would be really helpful. JazakAllahu khairan for any thoughts.