Does Allah's Mercy Extend to Those Struggling with Resentment?

Assalamu alaikum. I'm having a really hard time understanding why there's so much suffering, even with the promise of reward in the afterlife. I've tried to repent for my sins, again and again, for what feels like forever. I keep trying to turn back to Allah. But it feels like I'm being severely tested or punished with something I just can't handle. I don't feel worthy of Jannah, and it doesn't feel right to pray for it when I'm struggling with these feelings of resentment. The fear of Jahannam is real, and Allah's might terrifies me, but honestly, I feel completely broken. Sometimes I wish there was just... nothingness. No eternal existence. Some things that have happened in my life, I can't get past them. Even if everything is made right in the Akhirah, even if we're made to be at peace with things that burn inside us, it makes me feel so helpless right now. For so long, it's just been pain and misery, even when I was striving to get closer to Allah. Even when I sacrificed what I could and tried to live with complete sincerity in every moment. It only brought more pain. Meanwhile, those who wronged me seem happy, and I'm sure they won't face consequences. I don't feel closer to Allah. I haven't learned any lesson. I don't feel any love. It's like all my love has been rejected. Why do all my efforts, my salah, my tears, seem to mean nothing? At the very least, I hoped they would make me feel a stronger connection to my Creator. But here I am, feeling completely cut off from His rahmah and mercy. It makes me question why I was even created. Just to sin, struggle, and suffer? Is my need to repent so great that I was made for this misery? I wish I had been created without the ability to sin, to avoid this pain and the fear of inevitable punishment. Never existing at all sometimes seems better than this tortured existence. It even makes me question the covenant my soul made. Allah is my Rabb, but why does my testimony hold me accountable for an existence I never chose? It feels like I couldn't have refused even if I wanted to. Going through all this, it only makes sense to feel that Allah must hate me. On some level, I know that's not true. My iman is weak, but I still hold onto the belief that Allah loves us infinitely more than we can understand. I know it sounds dramatic, especially knowing others are in far worse situations with stronger faith. But if you saw my life, you might think Allah hates me too. Some say intense tests are a sign of love. I'd say my faith isn't strong enough, especially when the test makes me commit more sins. It feels like the test has turned into a punishment because I'm not enduring it with sabr. I know everyone faces things beyond their control-injustices, tragedies, unlivable conditions. I'm not saying I have it worse. Astaghfirullah, I recognize the blessings Allah has given me. I know pain in this life can be an expiation for sins or a way to draw nearer to Him. But the type, intensity, and endless feeling of my hardships make me feel hated. My efforts in tawbah and sincere ibadah feel meaningless if this is the state of my iman now. I'm losing faith in His forgiveness. The real problem is, I've become resentful. I see things as injustices-some truly are-that will never be made right in this life. Even though I can't claim to know Allah's plan, I believe it. If you were forced to forgive those who ruined your life, betrayed your trust, and humiliated you at every turn-even hurting your family-could you do it? What if they were forgiven for everything? Personally, I feel I can't call myself a Muslim if I refuse to forgive, and I don't deserve forgiveness if I hold such grudges. But what they did was so vile and evil, and it will all be erased. I just can't believe I'm still expected to forgive them after everything they did and continue to do. I wouldn't feel so hopeless if it wasn't for this endless silence from Allah. I'm going through near-constant suffering, while learning more unbearable truths about my life that I must forgive, all while feeling completely alone. I believe everything is perfect in Jannah, but I don't deserve it. If forgiving them is required to enter, I'd rather never have existed. It feels like Allah has abandoned me, and I'm close to renouncing my faith out of anger and hopelessness-which I know leads to Hell. I'll try to remain Muslim and do my fard acts of worship. But right now, I can't hold back this hatred, not when I feel compelled by threat of punishment. My whole life has been about submitting to those stronger than me, doing what they said, and accepting their mistreatment. It feels like Allah never protected me. I hope I can be forgiven for that awful comparison, but it's how I grew up, it's a part of me, and it's how I feel now. I tried to be good. I tried to do right. I cried, prayed, sacrificed, and endured with patience-until I couldn't anymore. Deep down, my heart is full of hatred. When hardship strips everything away, I try to hold back, but I can't. I think awful things that will surely send me to Hell. I feel hopeless. Will Allah forgive me? What if I can't stop this hatred? What if I don't want to? In the past, I've prayed for the hatred to be removed while still feeling it, and Allah answered. So why does it always return? Why is it always on me to pray for it to go away? Can't I just stop trying? Can't I just feel what I'm naturally inclined to feel?