Dealing with guilt from parents who won't admit their wrongs - need advice

As-salamu alaykum. I grew up in a toxic home - physical, emotional, verbal abuse. I moved out as soon as I could and now live about half an hour away, but I hardly go back. Every visit gives me anxiety beforehand and while I'm there. The shouting still happens, my mother and sister barely speak, my parents are constantly at odds, and my mother spends visits unloading all her complaints about my dad and sister onto me like I'm her emotional trash can. She’s been doing this since I was a teen. That's why I avoid going home, yet I'm constantly guilt-tripped: "You don't love us," "Why do you hate us?" Not once have they admitted they're the reason I keep my distance. When I try to explain my side, I'm accused of making excuses. Eid is especially hard - everyone expects me to come home. (We don't actually celebrate Christmas, but it's a public holiday so they assume I have time off and should be there.) I used to go every year, but this time I refused. I told them I'd visit for a day only, not stay overnight. Sending that message made me feel sick and scared because I know the guilt trip that will come. My dad said okay, my sister replied "do what you want" (obviously angry), and I know my mother will make a scene when I come. How do I stop feeling guilty? In our religious community we're always taught the rights of parents, and no one talks about abusive parents, the rights of children, or that abuse is a form of zulm (oppression). The usual advice is "have sabr, they're your parents," so if that's your only response please don't bother. I won't live my life in anxiety and guilt for an environment THEY created and refuse to own. The religious guilt makes me feel like a bad Muslim, even though I keep in touch by texting and sometimes calling. That's enough for me. I don't want frequent in-person visits, and I feel so isolated when others talk about their families because I can't relate. Any practical advice from sisters or brothers who balanced faith with protecting themselves from harmful family members? How do you reconcile the duty to be dutiful with the need to guard your mental health and safety?