Can someone advise me from an Islamic perspective? I feel so lost
Assalamu alaikum. I hope you are all well. I’m not sure how to begin. I already see a therapist, but when I talk about what I’m going through he often seems unsure of how to respond. Maybe my situation is too heavy for him. I used to take antidepressants but I stopped. Today I couldn’t even complete my salah because I just wanted to cry. I was overwhelmed by memories from my past. It hurts that nobody seemed to fight to keep me in their life, while I was the one who fought for people I lost. I always wished for someone who’d truly fear losing me. How can someone fear losing me when I’m always the one who stays, no matter how they treat me? I miss people from my past and I don’t even understand why. Yes, I have anxiety and attachment issues, and that doesn’t make things easier. I keep thinking about those who walked away even though I didn’t do anything wrong. I was kind. I didn’t deserve that. Why do I carry so much inside me? Why am I afraid of the future? Why don’t I have close people around me? When I was with friends, I felt happy. Now the memories just make me sad. And I keep asking myself: why does everything I love leave? Do I not deserve happiness? I hear “everything happens by the decree of Allah,” but what’s the wisdom in all this? I’ve cried so much-what lesson am I supposed to learn? I’m 22. I should be enjoying life, but I put so much pressure on myself. I worry I won’t find better people, that those were the best I’ll ever have. Right now I’m just here, feeling lost. Any advice from a Muslim perspective would mean a lot - duas, reminders, or practical steps to help me heal and trust Allah’s plan. JazākAllāhu khayran.