Assalamu Alaikum - Will Allah forgive me for missing Fajr for many years?
Assalamu Alaikum. From about 13 to 24 I suffered a bad illness that ruined my sleep. I had severe insomnia and could barely wake for a normal school alarm, let alone Fajr. For that whole time I felt like a walking zombie. After a while I just told myself my health was the problem and accepted not waking for Fajr (I know that was wrong). I did, however, keep the other four prayers and never missed them on purpose. Alhamdulillah the illness eased a few years back and my sleep improved, but by then I’d gotten used to missing Fajr. For about two more years I skipped it even though I could have gotten up. My iman was low then; I wasn’t living openly sinful, but I stopped relying on Allah and lost hope - astagfirullah, it pains me to say that. A year ago a sudden trial turned my life upside down: I lost my health, means, and many comforts. Even my family was shocked. That hardship pushed me back to Allah and I learned more about tawakkul. I still struggled to make Fajr because I was falling asleep around 3–4 AM from another health issue, so I asked Allah to help me wake. He accepted my dua, and Alhamdulillah I’ve kept Fajr for two weeks now. My iman has lifted and I feel much more at peace even though I don’t have much right now. I trust Allah has a plan. I do, however, carry deep regret for all those years I missed Fajr. I accept that whatever happened was qadr and I’m grateful to Allah for guidance, but I wonder: if I had kept Fajr when my sleep improved, would my life be different? Would I have avoided that calamity or attained rizq sooner? I’m looking for advice and reminders - how should I deal with this regret and move forward? JazākAllāhu khayran.