Assalamu alaikum - struggling with my faith and need advice

Assalamu alaikum sisters, I’m not sure if this is okay to share but I’ve been having a really rough time lately. I’m 22 and the last two years brought a lot of hard changes. It feels like nothing good happens to me anymore, and even though I know I shouldn’t, I find myself blaming Islam and starting to resent it. I’ve been Muslim my whole life and started practicing more actively in 2021, so this is confusing for me. I don’t wear hijab because of past experiences and I don’t dress modestly. I push my prayers to the end of the day and often don’t focus - I do them because I feel I should, more than from the heart. I try to avoid major haram actions (no drinking, smoking, zina, etc.), but I have dark thoughts about wanting it all to end and even asking Allah to take me so I won’t suffer anymore. Nothing like that has happened, and I know logically it won’t. I feel jealous of people who got to experience certain things before reverting or who seem freer. I grew up with strict immigrant parents and always followed them; now I sometimes wish I hadn’t. I’m so lost. How do I change my perspective and stop blaming Islam? How do I start feeling better and less empty all the time? I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and I’d be grateful for sincere advice from sisters who understand. JazakAllahu khayran for reading and for any guidance. Sorry if this post isn’t allowed.