Assalamu alaikum - Struggling with doubt and guilt
Assalamu alaikum. I’m almost in my 20s, born to Syrian Muslim parents but raised in Europe where most people around me are pretty secular. As a kid I fasted and sometimes prayed, not because anyone forced me but because it was what my family did and I believed along with them. Over the past few years I’ve drifted away from Islam. I’ve used alcohol and smoked and done other things I now see as major sins. I’ve also been diagnosed with depression and OCD, which complicates things, but I know I’m still responsible for my choices. I feel a lot of guilt, yet I’m unsure what’s true. I keep trying to read the Quran and look for answers online, but nothing feels convincing. Mostly I’m searching for proof of God’s existence and I don’t know why the guilt sticks with me. I’m asking for kind advice and support. How can I work through these doubts without being harsh on myself? Any suggestions on where to look for sincere explanations, how to balance mental health with faith, or steps to take if I want to come back to practicing would be really appreciated. JazakAllah khair for your kindness.