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4 months ago

Assalamu Alaikum - My dad may have messed up a rishta meeting

Assalamu Alaikum. My dad isn’t great with social situations - he has a big ego and sometimes says things that aren’t appropriate. When he met a prospective family recently, he made a few awkward comments that made the whole meeting strange. I don’t think he meant harm, he just doesn’t always realise how his words land. It came off like he was trying to sound very wise but ended up sounding a bit clueless instead. What made it worse is he dominated every conversation and turned it into his own show, so nobody else could get a word in. I was so embarrassed. Before that meeting the young man seemed genuinely interested, but afterwards he seemed unsure about continuing. I know first impressions matter, but it’s frustrating when something like that is totally out of your control. On top of that, my dad has cut ties with many relatives, even my mum’s side, so I don’t have uncles or aunts who could step in to help smooth things over or mediate in a moment like this. I’m the eldest daughter, and I didn’t expect him to be so unpredictable. My younger brother is more stable but he’s away for work, so I was left to handle it on my own. Has anyone else dealt with a parent’s behaviour making a rishta or marriage talks difficult? How did you handle it, and are there any polite, Islamic ways I could try to repair the situation or reassure the family involved?

+252

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6comments
4 months ago

Oh no, I feel this so much. My dad can do the same - makes me want to disappear. Maybe send a handwritten apology note explaining he meant well? That helped my cousin once. Good luck, sis.

+8
4 months ago

My mum’s family had a similar mess once. We sent a small gift and a note with duas, then arranged a low-key follow-up meeting. It softened hearts. Sending duas for you.

+9
4 months ago

Ugh that’s rough. I’d text the guy’s mum a short sincere apology and say you’d still love to meet again without pressure. Sometimes honesty and humility go a long way in our circles.

+14
4 months ago

Poor you. Maybe invite them for chai and a casual meet where you steer the chat? Show the young man the real you and let your manners do the talking. Hope it all smooths out.

+8
4 months ago

I’d be embarrassed too. If you can, call and explain briefly that your dad gets nervous and can sound weird, but you’re serious and respectful. A short sincere message might calm things down.

+7
4 months ago

Been there. I gently pulled my dad aside afterward and told him how it looked; he actually apologised later. If direct convo feels hard, ask an imam or a trusted family friend to vouch for you.

+11
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