Assalamu Alaikum - Is it allowed to limit contact with my parents for my safety?
Assalamu Alaikum. I’m a Muslim girl close to legal adulthood and I need some advice. My university choice is in my home country where I have supportive adult siblings nearby. Becoming financially independent after uni is crucial because my parents plan to marry me off as soon as I graduate and won’t let me work or earn. They expect me to stay under their control at home. Where I’m originally from, forced marriage, heavy stigma around divorce, and women being forced to tolerate abuse are common. I’ve seen this in my family and extended community. My parents dismiss forced marriage and have justified abusive behaviour. This makes me fear for my safety and future. Religion is used selectively by them to demand obedience and shame me, while clear Islamic limits (for example, forced marriage being impermissible) are ignored. Refusing while dependent isn’t realistic because they’d blackmail me. Living with them has meant long-term physical and psychological abuse, coercive control, and ongoing fear. Things might be slightly better now, but the underlying dynamics haven’t changed and staying in contact keeps exposing me to harm. They’re not against university itself but insist I study locally under their supervision and keep living at home. I can’t accept that. Studying locally would trap me in dependence, keep my choices controlled, and leave me vulnerable to forced marriage. The local universities they prefer also have poor prospects for financial independence. I don’t care exactly what career I end up in - I just want shelter, food and some savings so I can be safe. They’ve been forcing me toward degrees they think raise my “value” for marriage, and say education isn’t important for girls because they should stay home. My mother even tells us staying in abusive marriages is fine because Allah will reward patience. Meanwhile, the household problems have harmed my younger siblings and made them resent religion as something tied to control in our family. I’m also afraid that if I leave against their wishes, my younger siblings could suffer retaliation. My parents have blackmailed my older sister before by threatening harm to us, and she complied to protect us. I don’t know how extreme they might go, but they are capable of violence. Financially, my parents could support me but refuse. I qualify for financial aid, so money isn’t the only issue. If I move out to study I’ll rely on grants, scholarships, student loans and then a part-time job; the university requires paid summer internships so I’d have some income. My older siblings have agreed to help as much as they can. Other female relatives aren’t viable options. If I stay in contact while trying to become independent, they’ll likely guilt-trip, threaten or blackmail me based on past patterns. For these reasons, I’m considering low-contact or no-contact for a time. I don’t want to cut ties with my younger siblings - I want to be there for them and support them in future. Questions: - Is it Islamically permissible to distance myself or go no contact with parents when staying in contact endangers my safety and independence? - How can I protect my faith when my parents have used religion to convince me I’m wrong? JazakAllah khair for any guidance. TL;DR: I’m a Muslim girl near adulthood. My parents insist I study locally and live at home, which would keep me dependent and vulnerable to coercion and forced marriage. There’s long-term abuse and religion is manipulated against me. I can move to study elsewhere with siblings’ support and financial aid, but may need low/no contact for safety.