Assalamu Alaikum - He's Not of My Faith and It's Breaking Me Slowly
Assalamu alaikum, I just need to get this off my chest because my heart feels so heavy. There's a man I know who isn't Muslim, yet he has so many qualities I deeply admire. He's helpful, confident, charismatic - such an authentic and gentle person. He doesn't judge others and always seems to know what to say or do to comfort someone or help find a solution. He's so inspiring; it amazes me that someone like him exists. It's rare to meet a person who feels so right and wise in so many ways. I feel, deep down, that I'll probably never meet someone like him again and that thought hurts. At the same time I understand my limits and my faith, and I know what is allowed for me. Still, it's not something I can simply switch off. I've never loved anyone before or crossed boundaries - I always keep my limits. When I say I've never been interested in someone, I mean it. This is the first time I've felt this close to someone. I've been praying every day for peace and for my heart to be eased. Yesterday, when I got home, I broke down and cried until I felt like I couldn't breathe - the pain was overwhelming. I also get very jealous thinking that one day someone else might be with him and it won't be me. I'll have to move on and pretend I never wished it could be me, but I wanted to at least admit it here. I also feel the urge to tell him face to face just to see his reaction, even though I already suspect how it would end. Maybe I will tell him. I'm embarrassed to admit this, but this situation even made me question my own religion once, and I'm scared that could happen again. JazakAllahu khayran for reading my vent and thank you for any advice, support, or dua.