Assalamu alaikum - Feeling torn between my past self, faith, and marriage
Assalamu alaikum. I’ve been holding these thoughts in for a long time and just need to get them out without being judged. I converted to Islam about four years ago and started dressing modestly and wearing the hijab. Lately I’ve had a strong urge to stop wearing it. I miss letting my hair down, dyeing or styling it, and just feeling more like the person I used to be. It feels like I lost some freedom to express myself. If I’m honest, I feel Islam has somehow been limiting me in ways I didn’t notice until now. Not because the deen is wrong, but because I’m unsure if it really fits who I am deep inside. Before I became Muslim my life looked very different - attending holiday gatherings, celebrating with friends, having a few drinks at times, and enjoying those social moments. I miss parts of that life. My ibadah has suffered too. I don’t pray regularly anymore and feel spiritually distant. I feel like I’m at a low point with my faith and don’t know how to rebuild it. On top of everything, I’m married and don’t feel fulfilled. My husband works a lot and is rarely home, so the long stretches alone give me too much time to overthink. My thoughts spiral - I feel depressed, angry, confused, and stuck between who I was and who I tried to become. I don’t know where to begin or how to fix things. I can’t keep carrying all this; it’s weighing me down every day. If anyone has gone through something similar or can share advice on navigating identity, faith, or marriage struggles from a Muslim perspective, I’d really appreciate hearing it. JazakAllahu khairan for reading.