Assalamu alaikum - Feeling lost, need guidance
Assalamu alaikum Sorry if this isn't the right place, I really don't have anyone else to turn to. I wanted to share this with someone because I feel completely alone. I'm a born Muslim but I was never raised with a healthy understanding of the deen. For a long time I drifted away - I hardly pray, I haven't been fasting regularly for the past two years, and I often feel like an atheist. It wasn't that I hated Islam, I just resented how religion was presented in my family. There was trauma in childhood and a lot of dysfunction at home, and that pushed me away instead of bringing me closer. Lately I feel hopeless and pessimistic. Everything feels hollow and numb. I've been crying a lot over what I've lost and what I've ruined. I don't feel like I'm really living. My faith feels almost non-existent. When people say “trust Allah,” I can't help but think nothing has helped so far, so why would it now. Still, deep down I know Allah is the reason I'm alive. Religion sometimes feels like a chain or a leash. I'm addicted to my phone, I've stopped studying for the past four years, I barely pass my exams, and I have no idea what I want in life. Seeing others do good and know their purpose makes me hate myself more. I don't care about family, friendships, or studies - I feel like a walking corpse. Even when I pray occasionally, it used to make me feel something, but now even prayer leaves me empty. I listen to music I planned to stop because it makes things worse. I'm so lost and disappointed and I don't know what to do next. If anyone has any simple, practical advice - something I can try step by step - it would mean a lot to me. JazakAllahu khairan.