Asking for Guidance After Being Hurt by a Teacher - Assalamu alaikum
Assalamu alaikum. I’m 15 and I need advice. I was groomed and sexually assaulted by a male science teacher (38) at my school. When he first started talking to me, he pointed out how quiet I was and slowly got me to open up about family problems. He knew my parents are divorced and that my father wasn’t there emotionally, and he exploited that. Over about five months he built my trust, speaking to me a lot during summer break and saying kind things. He even gave me a book about space because he knew I love astronomy, so I made him a small handmade bouquet and a note to thank him. I honestly thought of him a bit like a father figure at first. He started saying sexual things over chat and telling me about his fantasies, even mentioning the school lab. On October 6 he came to my house saying he had a present - three rings - and I let him in even though I hadn’t planned to. He kissed my face and hands; I thought it was love. The next day, when he came again while I was home alone, he sexually assaulted me. I’m not comfortable going into details here. I cried and messaged him asking why; he apologized and tried to send money, which I refused. A couple days later he told me he wanted to end things because he’d found someone to get engaged to. I felt shocked and betrayed, and then I realized he had groomed me to satisfy himself. He said he was getting engaged to my favorite teacher. I called her, told her everything, and showed her screenshots. She confronted him and ended the engagement. She advised me to tell my mother, but I first told my uncle because I was scared. My uncle anonymously contacted the principal with evidence. He was dismissed from the school about three months ago, and many rumours started, though not everyone knows the full truth. We tried to stop him from tutoring privately but couldn’t; his family said they wouldn’t care about a police report. We hesitated to go to the police because we feared my father finding out. I eventually told my mother; she was angry but supportive and worked with my uncle to try to hold him accountable. If I’m honest, I blame myself a lot. I should have told my mother earlier, and I regret inviting him into my home. My mental health is in a bad place. I can’t afford therapy, my uncle is busy, and I feel alone. He is now publicly denying it, acting outwardly religious, and posting Qur’an verses, which confuses and hurts me. I’m still taking group online lessons with him because my brother also attends and we didn’t want him to find out. It’s driving me crazy. I’ve repented to Allah and started praying again, alhamdulillah, and I avoid being alone with men or any haram situations now. Please, brothers and sisters, I need your advice. Am I required to forgive him for the sake of Allah, or do I have the right to seek justice and protect myself and others? Is it sinful to want him to face consequences? How can I heal and regain my sense of self-worth? Any practical steps, dua, or suggestions for affordable support would mean so much to me. Jazāk Allāhu khayran.