Asking for friends/potential who understand this struggle - assalamu alaikum
Assalamu alaikum, I’m hoping to find empathetic friends or a potential spouse who get what I’m going through. I’ve dealt with same-sex attraction. Alhamdulillah my family became Muslim when I was about 18, and I love Islam and being a practicing Muslim. I’ve never been in a relationship, but I’ve had crushes on women (I’m female). When I first embraced Islam I tried to convince myself I was only attracted to men, but SubhanAllah I ended up suppressing my feelings and not being honest with myself. After a difficult period with my mental health, I accepted myself - alhamdulillah - and I came to terms with the fact that as long as I don’t act on these attractions, I can remain within my faith. It’s hard to find Muslim friends who truly relate or can sympathize. I’ve felt desperate at times on this journey, but alhamdulillah I’ve never committed zina or entered romantic relationships. Through my searching I reached a personal clarity that feels consistent with Islam and with what I understand about myself: I’m a woman drawn to feminine energy, so I’m hoping to find a husband who is on the feminine side, shares this struggle, is practicing, and is exercising sabr and personal jihad. I know that’s a lot to ask and it won’t be easy - many feminine men who share this experience may be non‑Muslim or openly supportive of LGBTQ lifestyles, and not all practicing Muslims who relate will be looking for marriage. My parents know, and I’ve told my mom what I’m hoping for. Relying only on personal circles is tough because many practicing Muslims who could relate won’t be open about this in the community, and some may choose to stay single. I just turned 30, and I’m not pursuing marriage for children; I’m looking for someone who might be open to relocating to the Middle East. I’m currently based in Qatar. May Allah SWT make things easy for people like me. If anyone can offer sincere advice, friendship, or knows someone who might understand and share these values, JazakAllah khair.