As-salamu alaykum - My husband keeps taking our 2-year-old to his family even when I say no; it’s breaking me
As-salamu alaykum, sorry for the long post and any typos, I’m really tired from all this. I’m 25F, married to 28M for about 3 years and we have a 2-year-old son. Setting boundaries around parenting has been really hard. We live in the same building as my in-laws so they’re always close. When we married I asked to live independently and they agreed we could stay in the building without interfering. My husband is the oldest and his mother clearly favors him; he has four siblings (two sisters, two brothers) who still live with their parents. From the start my mother-in-law made it clear she didn’t want me; she told my mother that too. She’s very controlling - she tracks my husband’s location, calls and texts if we switch it off, and tries to control many details of our lives. When we married they pushed us to have a baby and promised to help. After I got pregnant they cut me off and said they were too busy. They tried to control every part of my pregnancy - where I go, which doctor, even how often I touched my belly. My husband told me to be patient and “listen” because his family thought I was controlling and jealous. Around my delivery things got worse. My MIL insisted on who could be in the delivery room. On the day I gave birth she stayed and acted inconsiderately - taking my heating pad during contractions, laughing, and leaving soon after I delivered. She pressured visits while I was postpartum even though I was in pain and recovering; they even tried to ban my husband from contacting me at one point. Her messages were full of threats and she told me she could take my husband away and raise my son herself. I was postpartum and very unwell; this all contributed to severe depression. Eventually I reached a breaking point and started therapy. I found a Muslim therapist who helped me set boundaries and told me my MIL’s behavior looked narcissistic. She advised not to be alone with her. Now the ongoing problem: my son is taken to his grandparents on demand. My husband often gives in when they call and beg for time with our son. Sometimes he respects my no, but rarely. When our son returns he’s often given candy, junk food, and a phone, and he comes back rougher - hitting and acting aggressively. My in-laws have taught him to fight since he was very young and say I’m making him “soft” by teaching manners like please and thank you. I try to limit sugar and keep a steady bedtime (9 pm) but these rules aren’t respected. I’ve told my husband I’d be okay with them seeing our son 2–3 times a week but with me present so I can enforce boundaries, and sometimes we visit together. I don’t feel safe visiting alone; she has lied about me and attacked me before. He once promised before I gave birth he wouldn’t take the child away from me, but now sometimes he takes our son five times a week. I feel like I’ve lost my voice as a mother and it hurts deeply. He says he’s the man and the final word is his. Is it right in Islam for a husband to keep taking a child away from the mother when she objects and it causes her harm? I want to explain to my husband calmly without making him feel I’m being unfair. He is a good husband and father in many ways and has grown in setting boundaries for me, but not when it comes to our son. I want what’s best and peaceful for our child and for our marriage. Any advice, and any Islamic evidence (dalil) or guidance on the husband’s responsibility and limits would really help. Jazakum Allah khair for any support and advice.