As-salamu alaykum - I wish I'd chosen the hijab for Allah

As-salamu alaykum, everyone. I keep seeing stories about people being forced to wear the hijab and then feeling free when they take it off, and while I totally respect those experiences, mine went a different way. I was made to wear the hijab very young and never taught why we wear it, or shown the wisdom behind it, or told how big a commitment it can be. The only thing I heard was “you’re a girl so you have to wear it.” So I just put it on and hated it for most of my life. As I grew up and started building a relationship with Islam, I stopped hating the hijab - I accepted it, got used to it, and honestly felt kind of empty about it. It became part of my identity and I didn’t mind it, but it never had that sincere feeling I wish it had. I love Islam, I love Allah (swt), and I love relearning things free from cultural baggage. Still, I wish I had put on the hijab for Allah swt from the beginning, not because my mother told me to. I wish I’d worn it with the sincerity it’s meant to be worn with. I wish I’d felt that special bond with it, that moment when it’s on the tip of your mind and you choose it knowing it costs you comfort. Because I never had that, I’ve always felt nothing when a non-mahram accidentally saw my hair - the hijab never really meant anything to me. But deep down I know that if I’d been given the choice at my own pace, I would’ve loved the hijab so much. A friend recently started wearing it and she keeps saying how hard it can be but how she’s firm for her Lord. I really wish I had that story. I don’t have a hijab anniversary because I never knew when I “started” wearing it. No one congratulated me for putting it on, because I “had to.” I never had those little meaningful moments. I told my mom this and she said, “then take it off, I don’t care anymore,” but I can’t. Deep inside I know I can’t. It’s a weird love-hate thing. Sometimes I wish I could move somewhere else and take it off for a few years, then put it back on myself when I’m ready. I don’t know what to do - I might take it off. May Allah guide me to what’s best, insha’Allah.