As-salamu alaykum - I want to pray but I’m afraid at home

As-salamu alaykum. Since I was very young I’ve loved learning, and I always wanted to study Islam deeply - not just follow traditions, but understand the meaning behind things. I grew up in a Muslim home and country, but Islam there was mostly habit and rules without much explanation of the why. I started reading on my own early, even before ten, and began wearing hijab young. But praying became complicated because of my home. My parents never encouraged prayer; they told me my akhirah was my responsibility and didn’t push me or support me, even when I was eight or nine. My father stopped praying for a while in my childhood and only returned later because of family pressure. My mother mostly prayed but once stopped during an extremely stressful time for a few weeks, which led to harsh judgment from relatives. All of that made prayer feel heavy and scary instead of comforting. When I prayed at home, my family treated me like I was too religious and at the same time mocked me for it. I felt watched and judged, so prayer didn’t feel safe. Outside the house with friends or at university I could pray calmly and feel peaceful - prayer outside felt like home, prayer inside felt dangerous. At home I’d hide in a corner or lock a room, put my clothes on quietly, and pray shaking, terrified someone would see and make fun of me. I felt like a revert hiding in an Islamophobic place, even though my family is Muslim. For years they called me a hypocrite: they said I knew Islam but didn’t pray, so I must be fake. I believed that for a long time and wondered if something was wrong with me. Eventually I realized I wasn’t a hypocrite - I loved prayer and my connection to Allah. Fear, not disbelief, was what kept me from praying. Now most of my family prays regularly. My younger siblings are still young; one brother naturally loved prayer and would rush to it with joy. But one sister is extremely strict in a way that pushes people away. She isolates herself, judges others, declares things haram or kufr without context, and treats religion as harsh rather than merciful. Because of her approach my brother ended up hating prayer and stopped. She forced my youngest brother, who is eight, to pray and memorize Quran in a very forceful way until he began to resent both. My parents didn’t step in; they don’t explain, discuss, or emotionally support. When I try to talk to my sister or correct her, she refuses to listen - she yells, quotes verses and hadith without context, and uses religion like a weapon instead of a means of mercy. Even when my mother saw my sister hurting our little brother’s relationship with Islam, she felt too uncomfortable to stop her. My sister has taken over the religious space at home, and nobody challenges her. I still want to pray. I try when I feel safe, when my parents aren’t home. But my body reacts: heart races, hands shake, I sometimes feel faint. Prayer is wired to danger in my nervous system because of years of fear and trauma. I don’t know how to deal with a sister who won’t change, parents who won’t speak, and a household where faith feels unsafe. I’m the eldest but I have no real authority. I carry love for Allah, knowledge of Islam, and a deep desire to pray, yet I’m trapped between fear, trauma, and silence. Please, any advice on how to find safety and peace with my prayer while living like this? Jazakum Allah khair.