As-salamu alaykum - I haven't prayed in years, feeling lost
As-salamu alaykum. I haven't prayed in years and it always felt like something I put on pause, knowing I should be doing it but never being motivated enough. Lately I had a very strong wave of regret for all the prayers I missed and wanted to pray right away, but I was on my period so I couldn't-then the feeling lasted a few days and I hoped it would stick, but it faded again. I'm not very knowledgeable about Islam and I've drifted so much that my faith feels like it's hanging by a thread. I've had lots of doubts recently and that scares me. It feels like a loop: feeling guilty and thinking about all the time I've wasted, then slipping back into not caring. Still, prayer keeps coming back into my thoughts more and more. I've wasted so much time and whenever someone talks about prayer they say it's essential, the foundation of Islam - and of course they're right - but that thought also makes me feel even more discouraged. It feels like I've already lost so much time that no matter how hard I try I won't make up for it, and that makes me want to give up. I know Allah is Most Merciful, but I worry He might not forgive me; I've spent years doing nothing and I fear I've ruined my chance for Jannah. Prayer seems so complicated too: there are different types, many rules, specific words and sequences, and it overwhelms me. I can't find answers to my questions. Does anyone have advice? I really don't know what to do. I know it's my responsibility, but it's so hard to make myself do anything. I'm stressed about all the time I've missed yet I keep missing it, not dealing with my problems and living in anxiety. It's hard to get motivated when it feels pointless - like I can never catch up - and I'm terrified of being asked about this on the Day of Judgment and not having a good answer since I had no valid reason to miss my prayers.