As-salamu alaykum - I don't feel comfortable wearing hijab
As-salamu alaykum, I'm 14F and I know I'm young. I'm currently a hijabi in eighth grade, and honestly I really dislike it. Full coverage makes me feel sick and my neck always feels uneasy no matter the fabric. I also hate how people stare. I go to a mostly Hispanic and Black middle school and there’s only one other girl who wears hijab; I feel like if I took mine off it would be betraying her. I can barely keep up with my salah, and when I do pray I try to make up for it by adding extra rak'ahs and duas asking Allah for help. My dislike of wearing hijab hasn’t changed and I don’t know why. I wish I could show my hair, and I wish people would stop assuming things - asking if I'm allowed to do things, if I get punished at home, and treating me like I need protection. They exclude me and make jokes that are racist and hurtful, calling me bomber or terrorist. I hate that. My mother is very traditional and I wear it for her, not for myself. When I go out I feel like I'm drowning in anger. I have tried so many things: praying tahajjud, trying different styles, even making dua that shaytan leaves me alone - but nothing seems to change how I feel. All I want is to remove it and dress freely. I lived in Malaysia for a year and that didn’t help; many girls my age didn’t wear hijab and got compliments, which made me feel worse. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and I just wish I could feel beautiful and not be treated like a fragile object. What should I do? Please share gentle advice - I really need guidance and dua.