As-Salamu Alaykum - Feeling Lost and Needing Guidance

As-Salamu Alaykum, I can't seem to find a reason to keep going. I was born Muslim and still consider myself Muslim, but my iman has weakened. I used to attend an Islamic girls' school for over a decade and had a wonderful time with close friends and strong grades. We recently moved, so I started at a mixed school a few months ago where there aren’t many Muslims. The Muslim girls I met tried to be friends, but I don’t feel connected to them. I get made fun of or belittled a lot - I’ve been forgetting things, zoning out as if I’m not fully present, and I’ve become disorganized. The backbiting shocked me, and I fear I’m turning into the same person. I compare them to my old friends, who would remind each other about backbiting and gently point out mistakes without being hurtful. Sometimes I worry I feel proud about that, and it makes me feel awful. I don’t really talk to the boys because I’m not used to it and I’m worried some might take offense since I share classes with them. My grades are dropping, which disappoints my parents; they feel they’ve wasted money on me. Everyone pressures me about what career I’ll choose, though no one else seems sure. I want to study a particular degree, but my parents oppose it because most people in that field are men. I don’t like that idea, but I don’t see myself liking anything else. My parents are irritated by my forgetfulness and call me lazy. They get angry when I try to help because I sometimes make mistakes. I love my parents and know I’m lucky they let me pursue education, unlike some friends who aren’t allowed, but I wish they would consider my feelings once in a while instead of always comparing and focusing on themselves. I hate being compared to others but find myself doing the same, and I feel like a hypocrite. It seems like something is always going wrong and my choices don’t please anyone, so making decisions feels terrifying. I keep missing my salahs because of forgetfulness. I’m trying to get back on track, but my faith is slipping. Life feels overwhelming - whenever I feel a bit happy I brace for something bad or for someone to be angry with me, which happens often. I lack communication skills and don’t know how to say my opinion without offending someone. Maybe I lack confidence, and I’m unsure where confidence ends and pride begins, so I’m afraid to speak up. When I do speak, it sometimes upsets people despite my best efforts to be careful and non-provocative. I’m clueless with social cues and can’t read people well. I wish someone would look at me without looking down on me or pitying me or speaking to me like I’m a child - that makes me want to cry. I do cry sometimes; I know it sounds pathetic, but it’s how I feel. I want to move out and start fresh so I can rebuild myself away from everyone’s emotional pressure, but I’m not allowed to work or even go for a simple walk. I wish I could go back to my old city, but maybe I’m stuck in the past. If I’m doing anything wrong, please tell me - I want to change. I don’t have anyone I can truly trust to be vulnerable with, which is why I’m writing this. Any advice would help. I’m tired of being scared of everyone or feeling like an emotional punching bag or a nuisance in others’ lives. Life feels meaningless sometimes, though I don’t want to die; there are other ways to leave someone’s life. I don’t consider myself suicidal. I know others have worse problems and maybe this is just normal after coming out of a comfortable, isolated bubble, but I feel selfish and need a way to fix whatever this is. Please make dua for me and any practical advice on rebuilding my iman, improving memory and focus, handling parents’ expectations, or improving communication would mean a lot.