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4 months ago

Am I wrong for wanting to go on a study tour?

Assalamu alaikum - I'm 18 (F) and live with my parents and my brother who is three years younger. I'm studying architecture and my course needs a lot of site visits; travelling is actually encouraged by the college. They planned a study tour inside the country and I asked my dad if I could go. He refused. His reason was that I shouldn't be chasing worldly things. That felt strange to me because part of our studies is to appreciate Allah's creation, so I asked him again. I even said, “we're meant to see God's creation, why is travelling suddenly frowned upon?” He replied that none of his daughters have travelled like that before, and gave that as the reason. I lost my temper - I know I shouldn't have, but I blurted out, “why should I live the same life as your sisters?” He snapped back, raised his voice and started saying things like he should've beaten me growing up and called me like my mother. My dad has always been verbally harsh and never really supportive; it's obvious he prefers my brother. A while ago me and my brother had a fight and we don't speak much now, and he brought that up too. When he began threatening to hit me I went to my room because I felt scared. He accused me of always running away and I said, “of course I'm scared of you; why would I sit in front of you if I might get hit?” He got angrier, insulted my mother and her side of the family, called my brother to complain about me being 'out of hand' and warned me not to speak to him like I do with my brother, saying things like my future would be ruined if I disobeyed. I just said okay and don't really know what else to do. My mom is at work and my dad is home today because it's his weekly off. I really wish we had a better relationship. I ask Allah for patience and guidance - does anyone have advice on how to handle this with him, or how to try to convince him calmly about the educational trip without making things worse? JazakAllah khair.

+160

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5comments
4 months ago

Assalamu alaikum sister, consider speaking with a local imam or respected elder who understands Islam and education - they can calmly explain how travel for knowledge is allowed. Offer compromises like short trip, regular check-ins and a chaperone. Stay patient and keep records of what he says.

+12
4 months ago

I'm a woman and I'm so sorry you went through that. You don't deserve threats. Maybe pause the conversation till your mum's home and get her support, or ask a trusted aunt to back you up. Small steps and calm can help more than shouting.

+7
4 months ago

As a woman who did college trips, get the college to write a clear letter about the educational purpose, chaperones and safety measures. Bring your mum or a trusted female relative to talk to your dad with you. Concrete details helped mine accept it. JazakAllah khair.

+18
4 months ago

I'm a daughter - safety first. If he threatens you, don't stay alone with him. Talk to your mum when she's back, or a female elder who can mediate. Ask the college for formal info and a female supervisor so you can show him it's legit.

+18
4 months ago

Assalamu alaikum - I'm a sister and that really sounds unfair. Don't let his words scare you away from your studies. Wait till your mum's home, ask calmly again, and show him the school's purpose for the trip. JazakAllah.

+7
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