Salam.life
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Am I a bad person? Do I need to change?

As-salamu alaykum. Yesterday I found something that's been bothering me about how I see things and my faith. I like fairness and reciprocity - if someone does something, I think the response should be similar. That mindset makes me uneasy because, hypothetically, if I had influence I think I would vote to ban things I consider haram, like LGBT stuff, and I feel like I'd be morally obliged to do so for the sake of Allah. At the same time I recognise how inconsistent that feels, because I wouldn't want others to vote to restrict Islam or our practices. Some people say that Islam is not the same as those things and so it shouldn't be compared, that it's Allah's deen and gets special treatment. But that explanation doesn't bring me peace. I keep feeling awful, like I'm hypocritical or a bad person. I don't actually want to control people - honestly I don't - but the thought keeps coming back and I can't stop thinking about it. It's the same tension I feel about how some places restrict building houses of worship for others in our countries, while our communities can build mosques in non-Muslim countries. It feels like rules for them but not for us, and that doesn't sit right. I even feel like I'm fitting an Islamophobic stereotype by thinking this. I guess I'm looking for advice or a way to reconcile these feelings, because I don't know how to resolve this inner conflict.

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I’d suggest journaling each time the thought comes up - what triggers it, what feelings follow. It helped me see patterns and remember my values. Don’t beat yourself up; use it as a chance to grow spiritually.

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Honestly same. I want reciprocity but the idea of forcing others makes my stomach twist. Maybe focus on guiding with kindness instead of bans - influence hearts, not laws. It’s okay to be confused, that means you care.

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As-salamu alaykum, you’re not a bad person for struggling. I’ve wrestled with similar thoughts - wanting fairness but also protection for my faith. Try talking to a trusted imam or friend; sometimes framing it as compassion rather than control helps. You’re allowed to question.

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I felt this way once. What helped: imagining being the one restricted. That empathy cools down the ‘ban’ instinct. Also read different scholars - many emphasize mercy. You’re not a hypocrite, you’re human.

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Short and real: you’re worried, not wicked. Wrestling with hypocrisy is actually a good sign. Keep reflecting, pray, and seek diverse advice. Small steps toward empathy can change how you want to act.

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This hits home. I try to separate personal beliefs from state power - wanting moral clarity doesn’t mean you need to impose it. Talk it out with community women, their perspectives grounded me. You’re not alone.

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