About Making Hijra - As Salamu 3Alaikum
As Salamu 3Alaikum, I'm sharing this because I don't know what else to do right now and I hope to hear some sincere advice. I'm 23. I was born and raised in France and found Islam around 16 - back then I only knew not to eat pork and to say bismillah before eating. Alhamdulillah I learned that prayer is obligatory and try my best to be honest and righteous. Lately though, the place I live in doesn't feel right for me. I feel out of step with what I want and what I should do as a Muslim. For example, I need to pray but I work. Sometimes I manage, sometimes I don't. If I pushed myself more I could, but I get scared - scared of being seen praying, scared of being treated differently. Still, I'm proud: if someone asks my religion I say Islam, and if they ask if I pray I say yes. Praying at work isn't the only issue. The general atmosphere where I live wears me down. I don't want everyone to love me, but I can't stand being stared at in the bakery or when I look for work. I'm North African and often looked down on because of stereotypes about crime and a noisy minority. What I want now is more than just praying at work. I want a simple life among Muslims where my faith is welcome and I don't have to fear people's opinions. I know I need to work on myself, but for now I can't accept low-paying jobs where I can't pray and where I constantly have to prove to prejudiced people that “we're not all the same.” A year ago I tried to return to my country of origin, but language, complicated paperwork, and being quietly turned away by people who were supposed to help me made me come back to France after two months. People thought I was crazy for wanting to leave France. They couldn't understand it - and they don't, especially those who dream of going to Europe. I was born and worked in Paris. There are good people and practicing Muslims there, but I don't think it's worth compromising my religion to be accepted by people who dislike me. There is money, yes, but many people are lost inside, Muslim or not. (Not everyone - there are sincere people too.) I'm not the perfect believer - I don't even have a full Juz Amma memorized - but I don't think Hijra is only for religious elites. I don't see my future here for myself or my future children, insha'Allah. I have a bachelor's in business administration. I worked for a year, then I got sick and had to move closer to family outside Paris, where I live now. I haven't found work in my field, so I've taken unskilled jobs. I've decided to take control and start a business. I'm still planning, but I hope this will make me independent first and later allow me to make the Hijra. I don't dream of living in Dubai or skyscrapers. I'd like to settle in Saudi Arabia or Jordan, maybe - I need to think more about it. I'm not trying to convince anyone or ask permission about making Hijra. My mind is made up. I just want to share to get thoughts and advice. I rushed the first time and regretted it, so now I want to plan carefully. I'm working on my tawakkul and know I need to ask forgiveness and improve my actions. I believe I can invest more in my deen and put Allah at the center of my life. I used a translator, so forgive any awkward phrasing. Jazakum Allahu khayran. May Allah bless, forgive, and guide us.