A Warning About Haram Relationships - Sisters, Please Be Careful
As-salamu alaykum sisters, i want to share what i went through hoping it helps someone. i was in a haram relationship for almost a year. we loved each other a lot, and if it hadn’t been forbidden maybe we’d have ended up married - it felt like the right person at the wrong time. no matter how much you love someone, sister, there will be pain. the sin leaves a mark sooner or later. if you don’t feel it now, you probably will. that pain can show up as heartache, guilt eating you up, mental turmoil - being stuck between loving him and feeling ashamed before Allah and your family. here are some things that changed in my life because of that relationship: - lying: i used to never lie. this relationship slowly made lying normal for me - small white lies about what i was doing or who i was talking to, then bigger, more elaborate lies to cover previous lies. it became a habit. - depression and laziness: after fights i couldn’t sleep, i stayed up doing anything to distract myself, then woke up depressed, unmotivated, skipping breakfast, not even brushing my teeth, isolating from everyone. - losing interest in hobbies: i used to read so much and write stories, but i couldn’t focus anymore. most of my time was spent talking to him, fighting, gaming with him, and now i struggle to pick up a book and read in peace. - becoming aggressive: my patience wore thin, i lashed out at friends and family for no reason, and even treated him harshly during arguments. i missed out on things because fights dragged me down. - distance from my relationship with Allah: i used to feel Allah’s presence and felt safe in remembering Him. i memorised quran and took classes, but fighting consumed me and i started skipping or faking lessons, delaying prayers and losing motivation. - cussing: i’d stopped cussing before, but he cursed a lot and i picked up that habit in heated moments. these are some big effects; there are also small scars left in the heart. not everyone will experience exactly the same things, but you will likely face some harm. my advice? don’t even consider chatting with a non-mahram man for fun or “just friends.” if you’re already in a haram relationship, the best thing is to leave it and run - it’s haram for a reason, sister, and Allah can give you something better. people told me all this when i was in it and i still couldn’t quit, so ask yourself honestly: is this the man you truly want to marry? do your parents even approve? do your core values and long-term goals match? do you really have a chance with him? practical steps i suggest: 1) find a trustworthy adult - a parent, an older sibling, or a respectable Muslim sister or teacher - someone who will support you. 2) involve them and tell the man you want to leave the haram. if he’s serious he should be willing to make it halal and wait. keep the trusted adult updated and wait for each other until marriage. check with a knowledgeable scholar about specific situations (for example about gaming in public servers) if you’re unsure. there can still be barakah after sin if both sincerely repent, stop the haram, and pray for each other. but if he refuses to stop and won’t wait, he’s not worth it - you deserve someone who will honour Allah and protect your chastity. if any sister needs to vent or wants advice i’ll try my best to listen. i’m still struggling too and not fully where i want to be, so i’m writing this for both of us - you’re not alone. may Allah protect everyone reading from haram relationships and guide us all, ameen.