A plea from a repentant heart - may Allah forgive me
Assalamu alaykum. I’m writing this with a heavy heart and I ask Allah to accept these words. I’ve realized, only now while terminally ill, that I committed major wrongs against others and behaved hypocritically in small ways. I was deceived by the Shaytan into downplaying my sins. I’m only 31 and I’ll leave behind a young child and my husband - the thought breaks me. Reading the Quran and reflecting, I learned that sometimes Allah’s decree may include a painful, final illness that is a severe trial. I can’t stop thinking about Jahannam and the punishment I may face. Since falling sick, I’ve turned back to Allah, tried to make amends, and returned the rights of others where I could. Still, I worry it may not count enough. What puzzles me most is why I wasn’t taken quickly but left to suffer here a while longer instead of being given more time to truly change before the final outcome. I know Allah sees everything and that I am responsible for my deeds. My heart feels empty and sorry - not only for fearing the doom, but because the Quran opened my eyes and I finally recognize how wrong I was. It’s very hard to bear. I share this so others might wake up earlier than I did. May Allah forgive me, guide me, and give me mercy in the akhira. Please pray for me, and may my words be a reminder for anyone drifting away.